People say you’re beautiful without hair, or it’s just hair, who you are isn’t tied to your hair, you are still you without it, the people that love you love you for you with or without hair and these are all TRUTHS.
But I think the part here that’s missed, it’s not about someone else being FINE that we are bald or thinning. Thats nice and all, but, the part that is missed is that the person who is losing themselves does often change when they can no longer feel like themselves, see themselves, their lives are reduced often plagued in struggle and suffering because they can’t feel right in this new version of themselves which by the way extends beyond a mirror. You can rip all the mirrors out of my house but I know what hair feels like and that has an affect on how I can feel.
So yes, the world can love someone bald and say you are all the things you were before and hair doesn’t matter, but that’s one tiny portion of this equation, the bigger part is the person dealing with this often can’t stay afloat to feel as good as they did before, which means often their mental health suffers, their relationships suffer.
So hair matters, to those it matters to, and no one can say what anyone should or shouldn’t feel in this regard.
“Well, least you look good bald”
“Well, you’re lucky you have that jawline.”
“You don’t even need the wig.”
While it’s nice, it’s never changed how I had to navigate this process myself, which was unique to me because our journeys in this are unique to us, there can be similarities and strength in community, but this journey is our own and you get to feel all the feels.
But it’s worth always striving, and moving forward to take that next step in this FOR YOU not for ANYONE else. Whatever that step may be.
What matters most is how you feel about you, and often with the best of intentions others will unintentionally minimize this devastation by telling you, “people will love you no matter what” “you look good bald” or XYZ, this is great, I know my friendships, my relationships are not based around my hair, and I’ve been so open and public about this or so very long, that I know truly the majority of people accept me both ways, I’ve been pulling my hair off in public for longer than people can imagine, but that doesn’t change at the end of the day… how I feel my best, and how is that? I feel my best with hair, so I choose to wear wigs, I can go out without them yes, but that isn’t how “I” feel my best.
The process, the journey of hair loss is complex but I think a lot of people’s journey’s get even more complicated because they have the outside noise of you shouldn’t this or that, no one can tell you what you feel or what you should do to feel most like you. I don’t care if you look like Cara Delevingne without hair, totally bald, it matters how YOU FEEL, now sure goals would be to bridge that gap for ourselves, to feel the CARA in the bald, AND with the hair, and that would be the happily ever after, totally get it, but hair loss is complex and things are not so cut and dry.
Give yourself grace in this process. It’s true your true friends will be your ride or die in this process and hold your hair at the bar (off your head) not bat an eye at what you do because they don’t see that, they see you, they love you, but we have to do what we need to do to feel most like us, and live our best life, whatever that may be.
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