Last year after 24 years of hair loss I had to make the painful and difficult decision to shave my head, after getting a 2nd type of hair loss, after having lived with female pattern baldness since 1999.
With hair loss you struggle to see yourself again, find yourself in the reflection, but I reached a point I could no longer look at myself.
While I found freedom in shaving my head, I also found judgment, I had women telling me I have a lot of hair, (based off my shaved head) and that theirs was worse, I had my head shape mocked, I was told it was the shape of a trident, and they put the emoji of a trident and I had to image search it to see what it was, and no joke, ever since that day, I do SEE that when I look in the mirror. That was gifted to me, by a comment on YouTube.
Join me as I attempt to shave my head properly, in a manner that hopefully helps prevent my folliculitis from re-flaring. I began shaving my head May 7, 2023, due to getting a 2nd hair loss (inflammatory alopecia), on top of my 24 year old female pattern baldness. It got really bad, and I reached a point I could no longer look at myself. Shaving my head has been a challenge on multiple levels, beyond the practical aspect of just having a shaved head (which isn’t ideal), and adjusting to that, I got folliculitis, which I had to treat for 3 weeks with 200mg Doxycycline, Clindamycin 2x a day, T/sal Shampoo and 10% Benzoyl Peroxide.
I also discuss some of the struggles I have faced including some frustrating judgment and commentary from others. I explain why I did this, what it gives me, and that I also don’t see wearing my wigs, as a cover up. Replacing the hair I lost, isn’t vanity or hiding, for me it’s reattaching a limb that has been fading away since I was 21 years old. It completes me, it makes me whole, and we all deserve to feel whole.
I sat down with the intention of answering one of the questions I received through my survey I sent out to the mailing list about a couple weeks ago, but I realized there is so much back story to my story that it veered so off topic I felt I should maybe make it a little mini series, a collection of blog posts of my life with hair loss. I’m still flirting with this notion, so I’m starting with Part One, and you let me know below if this is something you’re interested in.
While I’m fairly sure this can be located here and there on this blog, it’s not in one straight forward series of before the fall (prior to 1999) to dealing in the isolation, devastation and confusion that came after, and living with hair loss… to starting The Women’s Hair Loss Project in 2007, to starting to wear wigs 2012, to present day. I’m getting Grant chart vibes from that. Visualize Grant chart. Or I could make one. Maybe not Grant, it’s more of a timeline chart, but I digress.
My hair loss began in 1999, and I didn’t start wearing hair until 2012. I bottomed out, meaning…I thought life was over in 2007… which is the year I started The Women’s Hair Loss Project. I cite that as an at-a-glance reference point to anything I say onwards in this post.
What caused my hair loss? What caused your hair loss? Me and my wig sit in the sun to discuss this topic. I’d love to know what caused your hair loss, and would love to also know if you don’t know. I think often many women live their whole lives not knowing, I think that is pretty common, but the more we share, the more we can learn from each other…. and sometimes it will just forever remain a mystery. It’s hair loss, it’s complicated, so that’s a thing.
In this video I discuss the cause of my hair loss, which was getting off the Birth Control Pill, Loestrin FE in 1999. I also discuss my own regrets in jumping the gun on treatment and not allowing my body to maybeeee have a chance to resolve the situation on its own. Things I’ve pondered in the past a million times over. Maybe it would have, maybe it wouldn’t. I’ll never know, and while we can’t look back or go back, I can certainly share my story so that perhaps it helps another. Would love to hear from you with what caused your hair loss and also if you don’t know, definitely share that too!
I think one of the biggest concerns women have, in any state of their relationship when dealing with hair loss and wearing hair is… acceptance and understanding – of their situation, of themselves. Will my partner accept me? Will my future partner accept me? How am I going to date with a wig? What about being intimate? The questions are endless.
I had the pleasure to sit down with Alex Hafner to discuss his perspective on this topic. He’s seen first hand my own wig wearing, met me with hair and then I just took it off (pretty typical for me), no warning. Just taking it off now. Everyone act natural. Pretty much, like that. I’ve readjusted (off and on) my wig in public restroom, wig swapped on a plane, and my hair was passed down the aisle of the plane to a woman that was interested in the whole thing, and quite fascinated to learn more. Basically, when I’m done with my wig, it’s coming off and whoever is around just better be prepared, or not… doesn’t matter much to me at this point. It’s just part of me and my existence and life style.
It has been my personal experience, that men don’t really mind that women wear hair, including if you tell them you are wearing hair because of hair loss. My freedom has come in acceptance of my situation, I have hair loss, I wear a wig. I gave up on wishing all my hair would return, and that this situation would somehow change. The only thing I really had control over was how I could manage and deal with this hand I’ve been dealt, and it took well over a decade of suffering and praying and crying to get to that place. I hope others get there much faster.I truly do “own” my situation, and accept it for what it is. I think that is why the response of those around me, men & women, has been so positive. Often when I get complimented on my hair, 99.9% of the time, I say, “it’a wig.” I don’t have to, but I do. Usually I’m met with disbelief and I take it one step further and have them feel, where the WiGrip sits at the nape of my head and watch their expression, the moment where they realize, I’m not joking… IT’S A WIG.Good times.[click to continue…]
I recently had a conversation I hadn’t had in quite sometime, where I tried to explain to a friend about why hair loss affected/affects me, why it’s not just a nothing issue, even if you can throw on hair and wear a wig, ultimately why it impacts women so much.
I made this video to discuss this topic, but also to open the topic up for dicussion to others, to share how it affected/affects you and how you are dealing and have dealt with it.
I started to loose my hair in 1999, and began the process of acceptance after starting to wear hair in 2012. That’s a long time to sit in the pits of depression, despair and helplessness and watching myself evaporate before my very eyes. So clearly, hair loss matters. It’s a big deal, and so often it’s hard to get our friends and family to truly understand that this is ripping us apart, tearing us to pieces and leaving us simply a former shell of ourselves.
I am speaking for myself of course, but I have interacted with enough women to know this has not only been my experience/reality/truth, but others as well.
I hope to create a healthy dialogue of sharing with each other that can not only help us relate, but also help those that don’t understand, perhaps understand US, a little bit more.
The silver lining at the end of my tunnel, is that hair loss is no longer my master, my controller or my destroyer. I took back control. I only wish I had been able to do it sooner and not lost so many years of my life. I am always hoping that I can help just one other woman suffer a bit less than I ever did, and to know that hope exists.
The video is long, so if you can made it through the whole thing, congrats! LOL
I’m way over due for life updates. Forgive me, this year went zip zip. I will be back with more on me.
This past week, while everyone was prepping their Thanksgiving day dinner, I met up with a group of amazing people to start a project towards de-stigmatizing hair loss and hair wearing for women. As odd as this may sound, through hair loss I have found love and friendship, I have found a greater self acceptance of myself that I never knew I could ever achieve, and the ability to connect with others who are like me. I have found the perfection in imperfection, mostly 😉
The day of the photoshoot, I woke up with a major rosacea breakout. Perfect skin the day prior and the day of it looked like Mike Tyson punched me in the face, I was swollen with a rash all over my face. I was icing my face at 4am. The photoshoot began at 7am. This on the heels of already accepting I wasn’t going to be whatever vision of scale perfection I had in mind, thanks to my new anti depressant keeping my body in a fluffier state. Lights, camera… holy crap, but a lot of time, planning, effort and money went into this and I wasn’t going to back out. The old (younger version) of me would have totally backed out and flushed it all down the drain (I’ve grown leaps and bounds), but jacked up face and all I knew this wasn’t about me. This was about helping women, it didn’t matter what was going on, on my physical being, that reality was more important… by far. [click to continue…]
I sat down tonight, poured myself a glass of wine and remembered all the Friday nights (and Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday nights as well) I spent suffering in loneliness, fear, despair and bottomless depression. Whenever I could avoid the world I would, I made excuses for not making it to various functions and sought refuge on my couch, often times eating and drinking myself in a puffy sobbing, bloated mess. I felt sorry for myself ALL the time, and I simply could not process the future. What future? My hair was leaving at seemingly warp speed at times, and how could I ever live being a balding girl. How? My heart would sink at the mere mention of my fiancé talking about being able to wear a “hair addition.” What? That’s fake, that’s not real, that’s not me, never never never, not in a million years I would profess to him and then I’d leave the room (or cry) in frustration that he couldn’t really understand what I was going through. Not really anyways. I couldn’t compute and process any of this, so I sat paralyzed and living in a self imposed prison, bound by the shackles of hair loss.
I look back upon this, and I am quite saddened that I let my ENTIRE 20’s, and some of my 30’s pass by, as I sat still in the paralyzed fear of sadness, uncertainty and self loathing. This is time I will never get back. It was for all intents and purposes, very much like a prison sentence. Mind you, much of this time I still had plenty of hair whilst it was falling out, I still had hair that I could go out in and no one really would be clued into my hair loss issues, but that was of very small comfort. I hated myself for causing my hair loss. Yes I believed I did it to myself, after all I was the one that took the pill (Loestrin FE), that was my choice, had I not taken it in the first place all of this suffering may never have happened, so on top of everything else I had to deal with emotionally, I added blame to the mix — you know, just to spice things up in the self torture arena. [click to continue…]
So after much hemming and hawing I decided in a very non decisive way to start a Twitter account for The Women’s Hair Loss Project. While I never started one before for various reasons, recently I have found myself out and about having funny and/ or interesting ( I think ) thoughts that would be great to share on a platform like Twitter. I also often run across interesting articles related to hair loss that I don’t have time to blog about, but would make for a perfect quick “tweet.” I’m a private person, like an uber private person, so that has always kept me away from social networks, that, along with the thought of wondering how many women dealing with hair loss would want to “follow” a hair loss twitter page. I have no idea, and I understand completely if no one does. I did try and make the page as nondescript as possible making sure not to include anything “hair loss” in the name, website, icon or background. It is possible that the WHLP could be broadened by Twitter and perhaps more women needing help and support could find us. This is really more of a Twitter test run, because who knows, I could delete it next week, so don’t be surprised if go to the link one day and it says, “Page Not Found.” Here it is, with my lonely first tweet LOL: https://twitter.com/whlpnetwork
Now on to the fun stuff… boobs and wigs. Now how the heck did I tie these together? I’ve recently been thinking about why there is such a stigma associated with wigs, or any hair that is worn that isn’t the universally accepted, “extensions.” Women can proudly can get breast implants and even be commended for doing something for themselves, but talk about wearing hair out of necessity and you get looked at like you have 3 heads. “Why ever would you want to WEAR a WIG?” hummmm…. thinking of a reply, ” Oh it’s just something I’ve always dreamed about, ever since I was a little girl. I had hoped and prayed my hair would just started falling out when I was 21 and then I knew that perfect moment would come at 34 years of age when I would have so little hair I HAD to wear a wig.” How’s that for an answer? [click to continue…]
Most of you know me as “KatKat” or even the “resident topper expert” as I frequently give advice on toppers and how to wear them. I developed diffuse alopecia and chronic telogen effluvim four years ago and started wearing hair in my previous career as a pharmaceutical representative where I was judged by my appearance on a regular basis. I have worn hair through dating adventures and then under a veil on my wedding day. My topper and I have been through airports and dental surgeries, in wind storms and downpours, and on a cruise. But of all of the adventures I have ever had in my “hair,” none could prepare me for the events of my life this year.
On March 7, 2011, I gave birth to my wonderful son. After nine long months, I was so excited to meet my baby! Yes, my hair grew fuller while I was pregnant. However, what grew was just more bad, miniaturized hair — not “usable” hair. I discovered that I was so comfortable in supplemental hair that I would rather continue to wear it than resort to trying to fix my old, flyaway hair. I won’t lie, it was nice to see more hair when I took my topper off each night but that was the extent of celebrating seeing my hair come back.
Throughout my pregnancy I wondered about the day my son would be born. Would I have my topper secure enough? Should I just tell my nurses about my hair since we would be up close and personal? Would I have time to wash it when I went into labor? Should I wear a headband or a ponytail? So many scenarios played through my head. Deep down I longed not to care about any of it; but I did. [click to continue…]
I want to first write that I am not a fan of hair transplants for women, I personally
think that most women with androgenetic alopecia are NOT candidates for
this procedure. Having said that, I get emailed all the time from women looking
for a good hair transplant surgeon.
If you are deadset on having a consultation, please visit the International Alliance
of Hair Restoration Surgeons. The IAHRS (http://www.iahrs.org)
is an organization that selectively screens skilled and ethical hair transplant
surgeons. Read
my thoughts about hair transplants here.
and I had to image search it to see what it was, and no joke, ever since that day, I do SEE that when I look in the mirror. That was gifted to me, by a comment on YouTube. 
I think one of the biggest concerns women have, in any state of their relationship when dealing with hair loss and wearing hair is… acceptance and understanding – of their situation, of themselves. Will my partner accept me? Will my future partner accept me? How am I going to date with a wig? What about being intimate? The questions are endless.
I’m way over due for life updates. Forgive me, this year went zip zip. I will be back with more on me.
I sat down tonight, poured myself a glass of wine and remembered all the Friday nights (and Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday nights as well) I spent suffering in loneliness, fear, despair and bottomless depression. Whenever I could avoid the world I would, I made excuses for not making it to various functions and sought refuge on my couch, often times eating and drinking myself in a puffy sobbing, bloated mess. I felt sorry for myself 
So after much hemming and hawing I decided in a very non decisive way to start a Twitter account for The Women’s Hair Loss Project. While I never started one before for various reasons, recently I have found myself out and about having funny and/ or interesting ( I think ) thoughts that would be great to share on a platform like Twitter. I also often run across interesting articles related to hair loss that I don’t have time to blog about, but would make for a perfect quick “tweet.” I’m a private person, like an uber private person, so that has always kept me away from social networks, that, along with the thought of wondering how many women dealing with hair loss would want to “follow” a hair loss twitter page. I have no idea, and I understand completely if no one does. I did try and make the page as nondescript as possible making sure not to include anything “hair loss” in the name, website, icon or background. It is possible that the WHLP could be broadened by Twitter and perhaps more women needing help and support could find us. This is really more of a Twitter test run, because who knows, I could delete it next week, so don’t be surprised if go to the link one day and it says, “Page Not Found.” Here it is, with my lonely first tweet LOL: 
Most of you know me as “
