I received this wonderful post from Lina a couple days ago and she has given me permission to share it with all of you!
Here is Lina’s Story:
This is new to me but I have been inspired lately by our group of wonderful women to share.
I am 43 years old and have been dealing with hair loss since I was 18 – yep – 25 long years! I have been through the gammut of emotions that I read from others: sobbing, depression, begging, praying, anxiety. I have gone through the habits: showering and brushing my hair in the dark, wiping hair out of places that I won’t mention, counting all the hairs I’ve lost, sitting on the vanity and inspecting my scalp for hair growth, I don’t notice people – I just stare at their heads!
What has all of this gotten me? I watched my 20’s and 30’s go down the drain with my hair. I’ve loathed myself for what seems like forever. I’ve spent thousands of dollars on products that, big surprise, didn’t do a thing but make me poorer. I bought a topper two years ago and wore it twice – I hated it and it was cut wrong, so, I bought another and I have had it since Christmas. I also have a wig in my closet, just “in case”. So after needing to be in a place where people understand – I’ve been back on this site for a few weeks now and have become so inspired by our “Rock Star Leader” that guess what? I pulled out that second topper and have been wearing it now for 3 days in a row! I’m not going to lie, it’s different. Can you explain to me how all I wanted for 25 years is more hair and now when I look in the mirror and see myself with more hair – it’s “weird”. I know!
Upside? I have received nothing but complements, “did you colour your hair? it looks great.”; “You look good. I don’t know what you’re doing, but keep it up”. Hot dam! I opened the sun roof in my car for the first time today in 3 years because when the sun shines I couldn’t bare to see my scalp or
heaven forbid any wind blow one hair of my comb over out of place!
Now, while I have a long way to go and I do believe that at the rate my hair is falling from my head I will be in a full wig soon, I must say during the
day I think much less of my hair because I can feel hair on my head if that makes sense. I promised myself that 2012 would be the year I put this hair
loss issue in a place where I just deal with wearing hair and forget everything else. I look 10 years younger with hair!!!
I’ve read comments from other ladies on this forum and let me list a couple:
“Of all the things I regret, let me not regret the things I did not do“.
“I believe in the power of hope and the power of change, but we must do more than hope to change“.
Please, if this helps one person. I wasted two decades of what should of been the most carefree, fun times of my life. I know I have a roller coaster
journey ahead of me but I know that it will involve wearing hair. I hate looking at myself the way I am, I don’t live my life, so why not like the
way I look and wear hair. People know I have super thin hair – come on, half the top of my scalp is bare. So they say, look at Lina’s hair and it’s
baldish or they say, look at Lina’s hair and it’s awesome.
You know what’s happened? I have zero energy in the tank anymore to loathe myself. Lately on this site I have been inspired and you know what 25 years is a life sentence in Canada (I live in Canada) and I believe I’ve served mine.
When I get brave, I will send a video or photos to share. I’m only 3 days in but I will not be leaving my house without some kind of hair “accessory”.
For me, that step is huge, huge, huge.
May all of you find courage and strength and peace. I pray for inner peace every night and hopefully I’m on my way.
Love to you all.
Lina
{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
You have me sobbing till the words are blury. YOU ARE ME! “Admin” is me. We are all each other. But when Im away from the computer I feel so alone. I will carry your words and our fearless leaders’ with me as I try to find the courage to take that step this year.
My life, and my children’s, is wasting away like the hairs on my head. I am the same age as you. One son graduates this year and Im scared to death of graduation day instead of being happy for him. Enough of this !! THANK YOU FOR YOUR BEAUTIFUL, INSPIRING words. THANK YOU for letting us in. I love all of you so much even though we’ve never met. So Happy for you! Get out there and get your life back 😀 😀 xoxo
phillygrl,
I know what you mean about feeling so alone away from this site. Know you are not alone, not by a very sad longshot. It is all encompassing and very frustrating to have no one in your life who understands. I completely understand. You know what? I don’t go out because of how self conscious I am and if I manage to go out I never have a good time because I’m like “they’re all looking at me” or I stare at all the beautiful heads of hair and see the fun times they are having and not even remembering what that is like. I have let so much of my life go by, how can you ever get that back. It’s day 5 and I am still wearing my hair and not that great at blending to be honest – I need to colour my hair the bangs are really grey and peek through; however I don’t give a shit! People know something is different but they don’t ask and if they do I will just say got some extensions or how about none of your business!
I am not proud but have had several emotional break downs over my hair and one about two months ago that I’m on antidepressants. I’m not ashamed, I’ve had a really hard personal few years and I broke, and that was and is my this is “enough moment.” After 25 years, thousands and thousands of wasted money on “cures”, it’s pretty safe to say the only natural way my hair is going is “out the door”.
My sister told me once, “the ugliest thing about me is the expression on my face”. It hurt, but it was true, I have become so negative because of hair?! I hate hair anymore – the hair on my head (well the little that’s there) and damn it – it grows like a chia pet everywhere else!!! No one wants to be around a “negative nelly” all the time, heck, I don’t even want to be around me.
You know as a woman we worry that no man will want us or see our value because of our hair problems. So, look at it this way, if I’m so insecure, wearing a scowl and have scalp showing, hmmm. not going to beat them off with a stick am I. How about a great wig, my old funny personality back, and a smile on my face. People want to be around people who are happy and will be able to tackle all of life’s problems with a sense of humor, or strength. Then when and if we want a man, we can let them in, only if we feel they deserve it and if they can’t deal with it, then adios.
Remember…
“those that matter don’t mind and those that mind don’t matter”.
When I get the balls I will shave the remainder off and have the pleasure of a break from the shed-hell and wear my, “just in case” wig. I have so much I need and want to do, I will act confident and people will have to get used to it. I can’t wait to be happy.
phillygrl, you will reach your enough moment and I can’t wait for you to grab your life back.
Enjoy the graduation honey.
Love to you,
Lina
Truth filled , wonderful exchanges ladies! I’m in for wearing hair . I used to wear a topper and it was just wrong for me . Wrong as the 20-30 other peices that I never wear. I do wear lots of hats though.
Does anyone have thoughts on Paula Young’s human hair toppers? I would love to buy one from the company our “fearless leader” sits on the board of but will have to budget for one of those 🙂
Thank you ladies. You always move me so, wheather it’s laughter, tears, cheers, courage this place we share in is. never boring!
Love to you all xxooxxo
I am 55 years old and have been thinning since age 19! I have tried it all including two hair transplants, which were fine, but hair continues to thin as one gets older in all the other places on the scalp, and until they perfect hair cloning, it is never enough density to replace a naturally full looking head of hair. Without the transplants though, I would probably be looking a whole lot worse by now.
My “solution” (and we all know that none of them are really good), has been to find a short, side-parted hairstyle that works for me, and fill in with Toppik. Toppik has really been a godsend for me and I highly recommend it for camouflaging peek-thorough scalp.
After a haircut, blowout, Toppik and hairspray, I actually look pretty good, but I can totally relate to Lina’s statement about not ever rolling down the car windows down lest my “comb over” is damaged. I always carry an umbrella in my bag, because, god-forbid, I get caught in a downpour! I never go to the beach or let my hair get wet in the pool, so sometimes I feel I am only living half a life.
I have to say that while the self-consciousness never goes away, I am able to function a whole lot better than when I was in my 20s and 30s. I mean, how many women are going bald at that age! I have often wondered how many women have actually committed suicide because of hair loss — I know that this must have happened, but we never hear about it and no one who doesn’t have this problem could ever imagine how emotionally devastating it really is.
I would also like to comment on what Lina said about others not wanting to be around a negative person. My husband loves me and doesn’t care a whit about my hair loss (doesn’t even seem to notice it!), but gets totally furious when I talk about it. I have to admit that I put him through a lot of hell with crying, obsessing, ruminating, anti-depressants and so forth, and that is what he cannot tolerate! Although he is bald, he is a man and is totally unconcerned about appearances and therefore, cannot relate in the slightest to the whole emotional thing. Because of my past behavior, he totally gets mad when I bring up my sadness or thinking about wanting to wear a wig and says my hair looks “fine”, which it does as long as I take great pains and the wind isn’t blowing or the light isn’t shining on it etc.
The important thing to note ladies, is that no one really wants to hear about your hair loss, and there were times as Lina says, that I was even sick of myself! That’s why this website is such a great outlet.
The only words of wisdom I can offer, is get and get involved with other activities and try not to unload the whole issue onto other people. Believe me, your talking about “it” is more of a turnoff to others than l0oking at your scalp. The only other thing I can say, is that acceptance does come with age and by the time you reach mine, you will not be the only lady with thinning hair in the room, not that I would ever wish this on anyone else.
Like I said, this is the only place I can vent. Thank you all so much for sharing.
Hi Rachel Jean,
Sorry, I live in London Ontario and had to go to Toronto for my topper. I hear you the Follea hair looks so amazing, however very expensive and how would I spend all that money on a mail order, I couldn’t try in person. I just took my girl off for the evening (reality – bummer). Not sure how long this will last – the clips hurt, my hair is sadly just too thin. I’m glad I started to wear it though, it’s a great way to make the leap to wig.
I’ve got all kind of caps, scarves, bandanas and buffs ready for the bzzzzzz, whenever the time comes. Sometimes I wish I would wake up and it was all off – no decision I need to make, no more hair falling, falling, falling…
I hear you on buying pieces that we don’t wear… what an emotional things – grrr. This place is never boring, I’m glad I’m not alone.
Hugs and love back xo
Beth,
The negativity is toxic – if my entire family could have divorced me by now – I’m sure they would. I have a strained relationship with one of my sisters who has the most glorious head of hair and she cannot understand a thing, which is odd seeing how she is always touching her hair.
It’s true, it’s so hard not to feel sorry for ourselves and fall into this abyss but it doesn’t change a damn thing and only pushes the ones we love and need away. Damn hair loss.
I’m glad you and I and anyone else has this place to vent and I am super glad to hear you have a handle on this.
hugs
xo
Dear Fearless Leader,
Thank you for thinking of us and sharing Lina’s story. And Lina, thank you, thank you, thank you
Uncharacteristically (having been rendered docile by HL STORY) yours,
Natasha Darling
It’s amazing that when we think positive first and foremost all things are possible. I do believe Spironolactone, Biotin, Sulfate free shampoos, Semi-permanant hair color, using wide tooth combs, a hair dresser that makes it look acceptable, etc.. are all good choices that has made a huge difference in my hair loss. I was diagnosed with Genetic Alopecia and Folliculitis years ago. When I could not stand the baldness any longer, I took a very active approach with the above and my hair began to look a little better. When the times comes I am not able to do the above I know there will be a workable option for. It’s a very horrible feeling to lose our hair and I have suffered with these emotions for so long. The Power of Positive thinking is the key for me!
Beauty for Ashes,
I felt so alone all these years, I still feel alone somedays, but I just wanted everyone here to know that they are not alone.
It was very hard to share, but putting it on paper was like part of a load off. I thought I would be embarassed, but I didn’t do anything, it did it to me.
A big hug out to you and all us sisters.
xo
Cindy,
I consider myself to be a fairly level headed, intelligent person and I know what stress and negativity can do and no matter how many times I told myself to be positive – I failed.
I don’t know what it was, perhaps the last breakdown I had, I realized how negative and sick I was making myself and saw that my own family had had enough. I too have followed a healthy regime with food, diet, supplements, no heat products on my hair but 25 years and I saw that it was time. I don’t think that I will ever accept hair loss, but I’ve accepted that I am losing and have lost my hair. I am consciously trying to not talk about my hair loss with anyone (except on this forum). I have suffered enough and made myself sick. I will continue to do my deep breathing when getting ready and know that when the topper no longer works, there are very realistic wigs out there.
I am working on being positive, after all, even though my family circle is small and I would say I have one true friend, I have quality in those relationships. I am kind, generous, I love animals, I just made it through spinal surgery, I’m working very hard taking on school (at my age) to better myself. I can do it, I can do it, I will do it.
I am so happy that you are positive – that in itself is a huge victory and you have inspired me.
Thank you.
xo
Hi,
This is from a guy’s perspective.
Trust me, we do understand what you are going through. Especially guys who are losing hair. My hair isn’t so terrible right now but long term perhaps there won’t be much there.
So much stress over a bunch of dead cells, huh?
No woman should have to go through this. Or man.
But from one guy’s perspective I can say that wigs on women are cool. You can do so much with you. Change colors, shapes, etc and they can look great.
It doesn’t bother me one bit and I think you can have fun with it.
The wig thing is harder for guys I think. Just saying.
@ Beth S…
YOU ARE ME!!! TOTALLY!! My husband is SICK and TIRED of the whole “hair thing”!!! When my hair started to fall out by the ton a couple of years ago (due to discontinuing rogaine), I was a weeping mess! I would tell EVERYONE and cry a river to EVERYONE who would listen… I truly think I was having a mini breakdown. I know that sounds a bit extreme , but it is true… Everything you said in your post is me… We also share the same age. I turned 55 this year… I wish ALL of us women a SOLUTION to this hell and strength until we find it… God Bless you all, Annette
K.
Well thank you and halleluiah. It’s so odd, as a woman I thought, yeah guys lose their hair and they don’t care, how ignorant of me. The problem with the dead cells is it can play a big part in our self esteem – it’s hard to look in the mirror and not see “yourself” anymore.
thank you for being so open minded and compassionate – I hope one day you are the rule and not the exception.
I sincerely thank you for posting.
thank you, thank you, thank you!
Hi Lina – Thank you again for sharing your story with us! Your words touched me deeply and I can relate to all that you have written. You are amazing, and I’m soooo happy that you pulled that topper out and started wearing her. It’s one day at a time, it’s a process but the more you do it, the easier it gets. We often don’t get to choose when our hair loss stops, that is beyond our control for the most part, but what is within our control is choosing to take back our lives, working on acceptance and understanding that we don’t have to be a prisoner to this for one day longer than we allow ourselves to be. It’s so hard, I know this intimately. I also know I wish I acted sooner. I hope that women realize they don’t have to hit rock bottom to make a move, rather, when you look at the bottom, and you see the rock.. start moving, don’t wait until you smash into it like I did.
((HUGS))
XOXO
Y,
I cannot thank you enough for your sharing, caring and courage. You are an inspiration and don’t ever minimize how you have helped complete strangers – that is a deep act of kindness.
Yes, rock bottom, I know what that is about. I am curious about your wig experience as I believe that I won’t be able to sustain the clip in topper longer and with my busy lifestyle and the crazy shed, I believe a wig is my best avenue for “peace”. I don’t have a face book or twitter account, can I view your info any other way? If I need to set up those accounts, I would, just to keep in touch. Thank you for helping us, thank you for helping me.
big hug back,
Lina xo
Your story and all the wonderful comments were just what I needed right now. You’re all so amazing, courageous and full of strength. WE CAN do this – thank you for the reminder.
~kelly
Kelly,
we CAN do it – you CAN do it.
It has taken me a long long long time. I hope you don’t suffer as long.
We need each other – this is place is a salvation.
Hugs to you Kelly,
Hugs to all of us.
xo
Lina
It really is incredibly touching and awe-inspiring to read all these wonderful stories and breakthroughs. I’m currently 21 years old and have been absolutely mortified of going bald or losing any more hair since I first noticed signs about 3-4 years ago. At such a young age, I’ve always wished that losing so much hair was just a ‘phase’ of puberty that I’d eventually grow out of. Then the problem escalated and I though that maybe starving myself and being thin was the only solution to my hair loss. But alas, my hair fell out more than the phase grew out.
It’s often difficult to find women my age or just anyone that I could relate to and talk about regarding these issues. So I’m glad to have read your story and find all other fantastic stories on here that inspired me to live my life as positively as possible.
cj,
I am sorry to hear your hair loss started as early as mine did. 3-4 years is a long long time, but trust me, 25 felt eternal for me. I am glad you found this site much earlier than I. I don’t know your personal story, but after exhausting all avenues of doctors, specialists, tests, lotions, potions and pills, the sad case is I have AGA and bouts of TE and 25 years of it has had some pretty devastating effects on me. I will never accept hair loss, but I accept I’m losing my hair. I’m done with the secluded world I slipped into and am a work in progress in wearing hair. I have things to do baby, it’s time to accept the cards and move on for me. I have found so much courage and strength here and I am forever grateful. The solution for me now is to be kind to myself, eat well, rest, exercise, throw out all drugs to combat hair loss , wear hair and be positive and happy. I need to accept the 2.0 version of me. I love the women on this site and this is a great place for compassion and understanding. Good luck on your journey, you are not alone.
Hugs, Lina
Hi Lina,
Thank you you for sharing your story! It makes it SO much easier knowing we are not alone with our hair loss issues, and can all be a support system for eachother too:) It also makes it a LOT easier because – reading about your experience and the experiences of others – I realize that I am not a “basket case” after all….suffering from depression, anxiety, crying….and so on…..:) I am not the only person who has felt the way I have for the last few (or many) years….also feeling guilty because I devoted so MUCH time and money towards trying to “fix” this (Spironolactone, Rogaine, all sorts of shampoos, other goodies, etc.) ….and feeling SO MUCH despair over the years…like you said: years that should have been carefree. In a nutshell… I have been suffering with hair loss for quite a few years…at a slow rate nevertheless, but it started to accelerate over the last few years., with the last year becoming especially unbearable. I know it bothered ME a lot more than it bothered others…but I just started to hate getting dressed and going out because I was always so conscious of my hair and felt miserable. It has left me feeling depressed for way too long. For a few years I was able to use “hair powder” to cover up the problem areas, but the hair loss has progressed to a stage now where the hair powder just cannot do the job anymore. And I am so tired of the stuff…. my bathroom is covered with it…I breathe it in… it really started to notice as well, especially when I was out in the sunlight, And so my foray into wig-searching began very early in the year……after my first wig purchase (which looked TERRIBLE and screamed “WIG”) I sent it straight back (thankfully got my refund) and decided never to get a wig again.
Alas, the misery continued and the hair loss continued to worsen so a few months afterwards I renewed and intensified my search……all I knew is that I didn’t want to continue being this miserable… I have to meet with a lot of new clients with the work that I do and things had gotten to such a point that I felt like it was the end of the world every time I had to go out and meet with a client…. in general I just wanted to stay “holed up” and stop going out altogether. So I became determined to find SOMETHING. I finally found something wonderful…(and a few not-so-wonderful pieces that I will be sending to a cancer center soon) and as soon as I tried it on, I felt like “the old ME” once again:) (I have since bought a couple of back-ups now:) It wasn’t easy tho’ taking the plunge to wearing it out full-time. Spending some time reading others’ experiences really helped tho’ and gave me some additional much-needed confidence to really get out there and “make it happen”…so in just a few days I felt I had a “crash course” on how not to be conscious of it. I decided one night that no matter what the next day would be THE day to start wearing it no matter what! (I am a very private person tho’ and will NOT be sharing with others that I am wearing a wig (with the exception of a very close few), so I had wanted something that looked completely natural on me (even tho’ dramatically different to how my hair has been over the last year) Because of the hair powder I had been using, not many others could tell before that I had had a hair loss problem …so everyone thinks I have just had a brand new cut and “makeover” 🙂 In the last couple of weeks I have “crossed all the major obstacles”….been to a weekly meeting with a roomful of people that I see every week (BOY did I have to pluck up A BOATLOAD of courage before working into that room for the “first major appearance”!!) and then to Church… and many regular and not-so-regular places in between – so now just about every friend and colleague has seen me and they all love “my new cut” ….I have received SO many compliments on my “new cut”:) This “new cut” has actually even developed quite a following ….lol:)
I cannot tell you HOW my life has changed in such a short time… for the first time in the last few years I have not felt constantly miserable about my hair my hair my hair my hair my haaaaaaiirrr. I feel SO relaxed and happy when I have to go somewhere now, thank God. I even find myself actually forgetting about my hair and have started to enjoy life and getting out once again…and dressing up again!! And the worst part is…WHY did I let it affect me so badly? Vanity? Obsession? I have come to realize however that I am not alone – after reading other posts from fellow “hair-loss sufferers” that I had come across in the last few months during my wig-search…. so I don’t feel so guilty anymore about wanting to look and feel “normal”.
Of course things are still challenging at times. I still freak out wondering if others are going to know …or notice….I am wearing a wig. So far, no-one has. All I have received are compliments. But I am starting to realize….well, so WHAT if others find out? I may as well just be open with them if they ask. I think I am making a mountain out of a mole-hill. There are others (some good friends) who shared with me when they had to start wearing a wig and it did not make me think they were “weird” or feel any differently towards them…it felt quite normal actually.
At this point…I can say that I MUCH prefer the feeling of freaking out a little due to the fact that I am wearing a wig…but at least looking and feeling good while I am freaking out:) I even love dressing up again!! It certainly beats feeling miserable all the time about not having enough hair:) I also feel a lot more normal WITH the wig than I do without it.
So….. thank you for sharing your story, Lina!! 🙂 And I wish you the best and many blessings for the future too…:) I just thought I would share my story with you also:)
God bless,
Marie
thank you so much Marie for sharing and I am so happy for you.
I know all too well how this journey is all too consuming and the toll it can take on our physical and mental health – hair, grrr!
I am so glad you did not give up on your wig search. I know what you mean, I haven’t dressed up in forever because I was like “what’s the point” with this beacon of crap sitting on my head. I actually, just transitioned to my wig on Saturday, I got fed up and actually shaved my head Friday night. My topper was uncomfortable with the clips and my hair loss was just too far gone sadly. Today is the first day at work, and I know people will notice, but I’m at the I don’t care point and eventually the new me they see, everyone will get used to it. I am going to invest in a custom piece as the one I have does not fit completely properly, but, too late, already buzzed my own hair. I will order one and move on. I haven’t shed one tear since I buzzed it. I didn’t cry when I did it, I haven’t cried trying to get my wig to sit straight and I haven’t hid, I left the house straight away. My hair routine of washing in the dark, picking hair out of every thing, sleeping with wet hair and then the morning hell brush out and pick up off the floor – OVER, DONE, FINITO! I am officially a hair wearer and not the least bit ashamed – Halleluiah!!!
Marie, I am so happy for you because I felt like you, I feel like you and we are not alone.
God Bless Us All,
thank you honey,
hugs xo
oh Lina, my road has been a long one too, starting at 17 and lasting all these long 47 years! i am in a place very similar to yours and i do find it hard to commit not to the misery of loss but to the joy of solution! hair wearing is the only answer for me and yet i struggle with taking the steps necessary to make it happen. there is still plenty of ambivalence and conflict despite my singing the praises of clip-on bangs (and they are a great intro into hair wearing) and a lovely trip to Follea for a bang piece. it’s been close to two years now since i started thinking about bonding and probably 18 months since i bought the brilliant Susan Falcone’s Crowned Beautiful instruction program. still haven’t ordered but hope to do it now, starting probably with a clip-on and undoubtedly moving into bonding later.
i am learning that the road here is not always straight..some days are better than others and so often sad feelings seem to emanate from the loss though perhaps after so many decades that is just how everything translates. and sometimes, i think that it what makes being proactive so difficult…the hair feelings get all mixed up with our other issues, whatever those may be.
in any event, loved your post and i wish you great luck and continuing courage in the struggle.
Suki,
I understand. Logically how can we live with a problem for almost 3 decades and then hestitate for a solution? Exhausting all trials and doctors, AGA and TE aren’t going in any direction but down for me. I think we have been in this abyss for so long that it is familiar and “comforting” for lack of a better word as hair loss is not comforting but at least the beast we know is the beast we know, right? All I can say is, hair loss SUCKS!!! However, I started with my topper, and now I’m in a wig and not the wig of my dreams (I mean in my dreams – I never hoped to be wearing wigs) but you know what I mean. I’m going Friday to invest in a custom piece and that’s that. It sucks that not only do we have hair loss but we have to pay a lot of money to suffer? Who says life is fair? Not going to lie, this is a roller coaster but man, gotta start somewhere, time just ticks, ticks, ticks. I’m tired of not living. I wish you and me and all of us courage, strength and some fantastic fun and happiness.
xo
Found this blog/post while looking for info on Spironolactone have to stop complaining, but will not give up finding an answer for my hairloss. I started to notice hairloss about 2006 when two things happened Menopause and a brain tumor. Of course I thought after the surgery and saw the shaved part of my hair grow back it was the tumor so I didn’t think it was the tumor. Then as the years went by and I was on a beta blocker for blood pressure I noticed more hair loss and changed the med only to be on another beta blocker duh thinking it was brand of medicine not what type. My hair slowly thinned but not drastically until 2011 when I had hip surgery and more hair loss. Now I have half of the hair on my head as my younger days. That is when panic set in and the realization that something was wrong. I got Dr. Redmond’s book and read it cover to cover and had every blood test known to man, nothing abnormal, biopsy of scalp showed nothing. Now I am on a new blood pressure med no beta blocker and taking estradiol and prometrium, and do not think spironolactone would help me after reading the blog. I think once the hair folicle dies it isn’t coming back and the feel of your hair changes and mine tangles more. This is what I have decided is helping with the look of my dark brown hair, Wen shampoo and living proof thickening cream from Sephora, Garnier fructis mousse sky high volume and BB thickening hairspray, experimenting with these type of products cannot hurt and keeping my hair just past my ears and layered. I woudn’t mind wearing a wig if only I didn’t live in Florida. I did meet a Phd. whose research is alopecia, but there isn’t enough money for research in female hairloss. Best wishes to the ladies out there dealing with this issue and never give up being your own advocate on the subject.
Dear Lina,
I joined this site a couple years ago, but didn’t visit much. I was, and am in a severe and profound depression. I could barely face it all myself let alone inflict my abject misery on others—or so I thought at the time. Thank you for this post. I have felt, and do feel, every single thing you have talked about.
Now, my hair is finally so thin, I can’t do anything with it, and I hide. It’s almost gone on the sides. I have no life anymore. I have tried everything out there for over 13 years—the pills, products, lasercomb, doctors, etc., ad nauseum, as well as run the gamut of emotions you described—crying, pleading, bargaining with God, screaming, hating God, praying,…every exhausting, hopeless thing. I guess now I have to face the fact that I need a wig. The loss only gets worse every single day. Sadly, I am trapped. My husband lost his job 4 years ago in the economy. We live in a fairly rural place. He has applied for hundreds of jobs in that time, and took the only one he could get at the time. It is not in his field. Because of the critical need in our state, he is assistant-teaching special needs kids. The pay is insulting and miserable in the extreme, and they will only give him insurance. Even with a degree and 20 years experience in what he used to do, he now makes a bit over $250. a week, take home. We both do every side job we can to get a bit of money. He is now also cleaning toilets and selling like the kids, at an LL Bean, and feeling just as worthless and hopeless as I do. There is not enough to buy food and fuel for winter, pay taxes, etc.
We hoped to sell our beloved little home of 15 years and move somewhere where there were decent jobs in his field that would just pay a living wage, but nothing is selling. We have tried everything—and I do mean EVERYTHING to help ourselves, from the ridiculous to the more ridiculous and all to no avail. NOTHING has worked, and everything blows up in our faces.
I contacted Follea (?)—the wig people. If I must wear a wig I would like a realistic one… Alas we couldn’t afford to even walk in the door! I probably couldn’t even get a cheap catalog wig!
I feel doomed. I am older than my husband, but because of our situation I can’t do anything some other women can to take care of themselves and improve or maintain their looks. I wear 12 year old rags of clothes—paint stained jogging suits and sweats. I can’t take care of myself or my looks—-There is simply no money.
I now think maybe it would be better if I were gone and he could find someone younger—and someone with hair.
We live in a very small and charming home that is paid for. We drive 13 year old cars, and don’t have credit cards by choice. We don’t have a cell phone or “toys”. We are committed historical reenactors (They don’t get paid) in our spare time, but now we can’t even afford the gas to go to any events.
My car is broken right now, but even if it wasn’t I couldn’t go out to find a friend or someone to talk to…We can barely afford gas for my husband to get to work. I guess what I am saying is that I never asked for much; I was the widow of a suicide when I moved alone from Ill. to New Hampshire 15 years ago. I had very little money. I sold my small house in the midwest and bought a small rundown, 230 year old house in New Hampshire that no one wanted at the time. I spent 8 years alone before meeting my darling husband, and worked on restoring the house all alone doing most of the work by myself. I don’t expect a big home, 2 bathrooms, new cars, fancy vacations. I don’t need or have a cell phone or the ‘toys’ most others consider necessary.
I only wanted my dear husband to get a good job so he could be happy again, and we could have a chance, just a chance at a simple but good life.
I wanted to be able to get cosmetics or see a doctor to take care of myself, and make myself feel better and maybe get my self esteem back, but that is not possible.
Now, I have lost so much hair that it is humiliating and embarrassing in the extreme. If I go anywhere, people will look with pity.
I hate myself. I don’t feel like the pretty woman I once did. I wanted to get a really good wig, and see if I could find that person again that I once was—The one who was so joyful and hopeful once upon a time, and rebuild my life—again.
No. Always no.
There is no way for me to afford a wig. I think I am at the lowest most miserable and hopeless point of my life now. There is no joy, and no hope anymore that things will ever get better or change.
I am sorry to ramble on, probably boring everyone out there. Lina, thanks for your words. I know that so many ladies out there have felt all the misery that I too am feeling.
Mary
Dear Lina,
When the time is right, I found a place which is not too too far from you, which carries Follea wigs. Its in Rochester NY. Tina Cimino Studio. She is an amazing person! I spoke to her twice sent her pics in an email of what I wanted my hair to look like, and she ordered about 4 wigs from Follea in Beverly Hills, for me to try. I was a crying mess when I called her. I had this wedding to go that was black tie and no way to wear my ultra thin pony and comb over straggly little bang for this baby. When she heard my distress call on a Saturday night, she called me back the following Sunday morning!! I was really impressed. I mean who does that anymore?
My wedding was out of town that weekend. I had to be on a plane Thursday afternoon, so that meant I needed a wig by WEDNESDAY! It seemed like Mission Impossible, but Tina was incredible – she overnighted wigs for me to try and spent literally 4 hours with me the first visit. Then she overnighted more and spent another 3 hrs. with me. By Wednesday, I walked out with a beautiful, perfectly styled wig. Her charge was $250. The biggie is the wig, but I promise, it will be some of the best money you ever throw on your credit card. I left with hair that looked so natural, it was freaking amazing! It moved naturally, was soft and natural around my face and I felt like I was on the Hollywood “Red”, almost.
When my husband saw me, he smiled and said, wow, “your back”. That was it. Yay, it was me before hair loss.
It’s still a battle being naturally without hair. But I’m early in this process and finding this site has been a lifesaver!!
For 11 years I made myself sick with self loathing. I couldn’t bear to look at myself, threw hairbrushes at mirrors, sobbed on the bathroom floor and then hated myself for being so “vain” because I hadn’t lost a leg, or an eye, just hair. But hair, for women is a BIG deal. I prayed often and then found Follea wigs, and this website. God heard me. Thank you God and thank you Y and everyone here. Good luck Lina xoxoxoxoxo
Mary,
First my apologies because I haven’t checked this post in a while.
Scratch that, first – big hug coming your way!
Honey, I don’t know why you are facing so many challenges and all at once, my heart aches for you, truly, for you and your husband.
I do understand how overwhelming life can be when it seems like everything is going wrong – I often say that if I didn’t have bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all. I also never say anymore “things can only get better right? because believe me, they can get worse and I know you know.
You and your husband need to be there for each other, he deserves you not some random chick with more hair – pfff. We are much more than the number of hairs on our heads, truly.
Keep fighting the fight honey and praying. You have a friend here if and when you need me. I am 4everlost on this website. You may friend me and we can chat anytime.
I will pray for you.
xo
Joanne,
Thanks for that info, Follea is on my wish list and I’m going to start my Follea fund in the new year. I posted to your blog earlier and I am thrilled to see you are “back” and got some kick ass hair. Live your life girl, this site will help you – it’s helped me. I wish you all the best and hope to hear from you again.
xxoo
Wow
This hits home, this is my first post ever about this topic. I am in my thirties and my hair is fine and gets finer everyday. I have noticed this since my mid twenties. My husband always says eat better and it’s fine. But it’s not I want to crawl under a rock!! To me and I am sure most women, my hair is everything. It use to be so long and thick, now it barely grows!
I bought extensions and used them twice loved them. But they seem to give me a headache after awhile. I am scared and feel alone, I don’t know which shop to trust or where to turn? But need to be proactive before I serve a life sentence!
If anyone has recommendations as to where to go for help
And what works for you…I would love to hear
Thanks