In communicating with a fellow network member today I was reminded of some thoughts which I wanted to share with all of you.
Dealing with hair loss has been hard, very hard. I’ve felt it has robbed me of many years of my life because I spent so much of my 20’s hiding, making excuses, avoiding social situations and really feeling completely uncomfortable in my own skin. I placed walls around me and rarely would let anyone in. I was a stranger to myself.
With time… a lot of time, I became more accepting of my current hair loss situation. I no longer prayed for all my hair to come back, I really prayed for strength to deal with this hand I’ve been dealt and I prayed for the courage to take the next step towards moving on. With the passing days/months it did get easier to deal with my hair loss and as the years progressed, while I’d still slip back into my own self loathing and depression, my “down times” became shorter and my recovery times much faster. Most days I can stare at a pile of hair in the sink that used to render me a sobbing mess, and just say a few curse words and send the mess down the toilet. Au Revoir. Other days, it takes the wind out of my sail, but never to the extent that it used to.
Most of the time we speak of what “such and such as done to us,” but not nearly as often do we sit and ponder what “such and such” as given us. There is no question that hair loss took a lot from me (because I allowed it to), but it also gave me things… it gave me a deeper understanding of human emotion, it afforded me a whole new perspective on things and life, it handed me appreciation for many things I previously took for granted and it taught me to be more patient – albeit not nearly as patient has I’d like to be 🙂 It also showed me that I was stronger than I had previously given myself credit for.
I still struggle with the sadness, but I do see light at the end of tunnel, where years ago I saw none. That light isn’t a cure, though that surely would be nice eh? Rather, that light is me being the person I want to be – accepting of every aspect of myself and confident in who I am. Someone who no longer runs from myself, no matter if I have thin hair, no hair or I’m wearing hair. The best part of this, is that this is a light for which I control the switch.
We are all so much more than our hair, and I challenge everyone to think about how their hair loss has positively impacted their lives. I know many of you will think I’m crazy and maybe want to throw a tomato at me for suggesting that hair loss could have had any positive impact at all, but that’s why it’s a challenge 🙂 Our experiences change us, and it’s so easy to only see the negative. Without hair loss, I wouldn’t have met the thousands of beautiful women who have joined this site and who have shared their stories and their lives. I wouldn’t be who I am today (for better or worse). I’ve taken so many steps backward on this journey, but if I look at the whole picture, I realize I’ve still come out ahead.
Happy Friday To Everyone!
{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }
How did you know I needed to read your message? 🙂 The timing was just perfect. Your thoughts made me see how much time I’m spending thinking about my “head” what is going on in it and what sits on top of it. I used to think of art, going shopping, music, recipes and more. The subject of “hair loss” has and does take over my thoughts when I should be concerned with life at this moment in time. Here it is the weekend and the joy I used to have thinking about where I’m going and what I want to do on Saturday morning either going to a yard sale or going to a park and listening to a concert. This hair loss is robbing me of all these things that I used to jump out of bed and do. That was when my hair was intact each strand was there to brush and comb and I took that for granted that it would always be there. It’s just dressing nothing more but it was what I was used to and was such a big part of me ever since I can remember. People commented on it all my life.
Once an elderly man came up to me at the restaurant table where my husband and I were eating and said “look at that hair” It was at that time auburn with just a hint of gray, wavy, course and lots of it. That was then and this is now. It’s medium length mostly gray, texture like baby hair too soft gel won’t hold it down mousse gives it volume still won’t hold it down it’s just a different animal. At least the hair is not falling out as it did when it all began. If anyone says anything about the BP oil spill on the Gulf coast that is when it all started late that summer. I recall going into the bathroom after a shower and when I bent down to start toweling my hair the hair on both sides came off in my hands…I remember the shock and fright. It continued until I talked to my doctor’s nurse on the phone a couple weeks later. They suggested I take biotin. So I started and still take it. Then I visited a beauty supply store and bought a 3 step box of HOPE. Between the two I think it has helped slow down the fall out but the texture is the same and I’m not satisfied yet. I still want to find more treatments and answers. That is my story and I needed to vent tonight. I wish for anyone who is going through hair loss to be patient and try to enjoy life even if you are not the person you used to be in the mirror you are still the person you always have been deep inside. Together in sharing we can gain strength in numbers. The common fire in our spirit must never go out like a candle we must keep it burning. The desire to live with the fullness of spirit no matter how many hairs we have on our heads will keep us going until we find more answers and are at peace with the situation we have been dealt with.
I keep trying to find the up side to having hair loss, and I’m still at the point where it’s definitely taken a lot more from me than it’s given me. Before my hair ever got thinner, and then when I first realized I was experiencing hair loss, I had horrible anxiety about losing my hair. I know I’m not normal to worry about hair loss before it even happens! Once my hair loss got really bad last year, my fear of losing my hair went away because the worst had happened. I’m still miserable, but it’s nice not fearing my hair looking bad anymore because it does. That doesn’t really sound very positive, but that’s all I’ve got;)
Thanks for the great comment. I have struggled with hair loss for 7 years, since I turned 40. At first it was very difficult. When I found hair replacement it ave me my life back. I now have better hair than I ever had naturally and I love it. Is it a pain, yes and expensive, but it’s what I do for myself and better than looking in the mirror at how bad my hair was without replacement hair. It’s only hair is my feeling now and I an move on with my life. I have so many friends and clients facing cancer or serious illness and I’m grateful that I’m only dealing with this issue that is fixable with replacement hair. I wish all you going through this struggle come to the conclusion, it’s only hair. God bless…
@Geri – I’m glad the post was helpful for you, sometimes it only takes a few words to help get us going and I appreciate your sharing your story. I relate to the compliments on the hair because once upon a time, that was me, so much so I had to get it thinned out – it sounds absurd now 🙂 But we evolve, we have to. The important thing is to try and not let this circumstance or any other rob us from living our lives. This is our life, here – today. We many not choose hair loss, clearly it’s chosen us, but we do get a choice in how we work on dealing with it. I’ll be the first to raise my hand and announce that if you allow it to, it will steal years away from your life. I’m living proof of that. It’s a choice. I really didn’t gain anything from hiding throughout my 20’s, just a loneliness and longing for a chance to get a “do over” and choose to go out and live in spite of what I am comforted with in the shower, sink, comb and mirror.
@Jeni – I completely understand being at a point where you can’t see anything positive. I’m quite certain that 12 years ago if someone told me to try and see the “Positive” influences hair loss has had on me, that I would have flipped them off and gone back to bed 🙂 But even so, you did come up with something that certainly is positive and empowering… not being afraid. I’d say that’s positive for sure!
@Coco – I love hearing stories of women who make the leap into wearing hair because more times than not, I find they are usually glad they did and it’s afforded them the ability to start living again. I at a point where I can certainly realize that if this is the very worst thing that ever happens in my life, then I guess I was pretty lucky.
Of all the things I find amusing about wht the advertisers say about “their” special brand of hair loss product or remedy is that “one out of every 4 women at some point in their life will experience some kind of hair loss”…but as a 50 yr old woman when I look amongst the 20 or so other of my friends around my age…Where are the other 4? LOL
Good Luck to all
Whatever anybody says or thinks hair loss is the pits. I am glad other people can be positive but whatever you say or do or think; however much you try to make the best of it or fool yourself it is crap. I have been given various reasons for my hair loss by the medics, the latest one is my skin is sensitive to testosterone.
Does anybody know anything about this and if it is a genuine condition.
I have also been told that when I stop taking Spirolactone the small about of hair I have started growing will not fall out. This does not, according to this site, be correct.
Is there anybody out there who can help me on these two points
@ Della – I agree with you, hair loss is the pits and my post wasn’t meant to reflect that hair loss was fabulous and positive, but rather that through adversity and the struggles we deal with there are things we learn and take away from it that make us better people which in turn can enrich our lives and that of those around us. I still have days where my hair loss gets me down, but I suppose since I’ve already accepted that my hair will never return to what it was before and that I will always be losing hair, that I’ve tried to find some good that has come from it.
Regarding the Spironolactone, if it’s being used to treat your hair loss, any benefits you got from taking the drug will be gone once you stop taking it. This is true for any hair loss treatment. I am not a doctor so I do encourage you to speak to your physician about this.
I can’t speak on your other question about skin being sensitive to testosterone because I’ve never heard that before.
xoxo
It’s extremely difficult to imagine that anything positive can come out of hairloss. It bothers me every single day. But I absolutely have found positive impacts. Friendships and support. People who can commiserate and understand. And most of all for me, it gave me a new life, with a friend I met through the website, and her awesome family. My life has made a 180 degree turn since this happened, and again, while my hair is still a huge issue, I have an amazing new life in which to handle it. So for that, I am grateful. XX
It is crap to be losing hair. I am trying to be at peace with it but really struggle. It consumes me even as I try to not have it do so. I have never had a wonderful thick head of hair. But I had a full head. I kind of noticed it getting thinner earlier this year. I went to my Dr. who told me there was nothing to be done. I am and was taking Spironolactone for acne as well as high blood pressure. She said that that might help me not to lose too much. Flash backs to remember my maternal grandmother who passed in 1976 having hardly any hair, I was young when she passed but after going through with this remembered her. She always wore wigs. My mom is gone now too so I can’t ask her why Grandma did not have much hair. My own mother died young but was older than me and she had hair, and her sisters who are in their 70s have their hair. I still have it but it is getting thinner and thinner. How to make peace with that? I have looked at wigs on line and with the price of them am not sure how I can afford one. I am trying to be happy but it is hard. I don’t know if anyone but me notices it, other than my husband who made the comment that my ears show through my hair! The side that does is not even the bad side. It is the top where I am starting to see my scalp. Where will it end? Yet I will continue to try to make peace with this.
Dear Debbie, I used to have thick hair as a young girl, but as I am getting older (72) it is beginning to bald at the top. They say this comes from the father’s side of the family. Also , a little tip: I get some pretty nice inexpensive synthetic wigs from the Asian Beauty Supply Houses, and I can keep two and three at a time (the real hair tangles, and does not wash too well, and never put a hot iron to them). The synthetic hair washes well with wig shampoo, dry with towel and hang on clothes hanger, shake when it’s dry and spray some wig sheen, holding six to eight inches away. They usually dry right back into shape. Hope this helps!!
Thank you so much for the reply, sometimes I second guess myself when telling someone or many about my problems and wonder if I told too much. Once the cat is out of the bag it’s hard to put it back! I find that having a sense of humor is my best weapon when I’m consumed with this “hair heartache” how can I take those strands of hair I find in every room and joke about it…one day I can laugh and the next I want to bawl my eyes out. This hair I used to have has a way of making you feel so inferior and not part of the crowd. Time spent here has taught me there are so many with the same hurts. Letting it all hang out here has been such a salvation no matter what happens in the future with my hair. My mental state is more important than what grows on top of this dome! 🙂 What a mixed bag of tricks we have been dealt with. Thanks again for sharing and caring it means so much.
Della, The Admin has a point that it will take some time for you to come to. Believe me it took me forever. I commented that I wish I could have all my hair back but keep everything I’ve learned on this journey and it couldn’t be more true. I almost don’t know the person I use to be because this has changed me in so many ways. I am soooooooooooooooo much more understanding and accepting of others and see so much more in people from first glance than I did before this happened. Hair loss removed the blinders on my eyes and for this I couldn’t be more thankful. Yes hair loss pits and never anything in itself to celebrate.
Della one more thing while none of us are doctors, I do feel as though we care to know, understand and diligently research the ramifications of treating hair loss such as rogaine, spiro, proscar, etc….we experience the side affects ourselves while some doctors are like well I’ve never heard of it doing that well my answer to that is because it is not sitting in black and white in front of you but from a real point of view through experience from what I’ve read from other users yes if you stop taking it spiro you will lose what you gained from it; I’ve read where it took 9 months for this to occur to one user and I’m guessing the spiro calmed the androgens in her body and it took a bit to kick back in . Also sensitivity to testosterone is basically the very laments definition of AGA, your body has lost the ability to process testosterone properly therefore creating a by product called DHT which is attacking your hair follicles causing them to shrink. Spiro is an androgen treatment that is making an effort to block the DHT from occurring………Please consult your doctor before quitting cold turkey.
Venida, thanks for the wig tips. I don’t think I have to go that route yet, but in time very well might have to. My hairdresser said she could go and check out a wig shop here in town for me! Wow, she said that way she could give me more info. I don’t think I will ask her to do that, but it was nice. I am going to try harder to not let this overtake my life.
I’m 25 years old and struggling with severe hair loss. It started when I was 23, and came out of nowhere. I was and am completely healthy. I’ve done everything right, yet have to deal with this. Two years ago, I had thick hair down to my belly button. Now there is not much left. It’s coming out in handfuls, and I only have a few strands on the right side of my head. I feel so alone, because I haven’t met anyone my age who is experiencing this problem.
I searched for this website, hoping to find someone else who is struggling with this same issue. I’ve seen three doctors, and none of them can figure out what’s wrong with me. I’m a middle school math teacher. Everyday I have to get up two hours early, so I can fix my hair to cover up my secret. I don’t have much time left before I will have to go a different route. I am looking for anyone who is my age or close, and is hurting like me. I don’t know what to do, and I’m so scared.
@Sara: I too, started to lose my hair very young. I was turning 20 and it was supposed to be the time of my life. And it wasn’t. I would hide from people, not go to the store unless at night, I didn’t want to go out with my friends, let alone with a guy. I am now 41 and you would think I would be sooo over this. But I am not. I am doing much better though than I was when I was younger. I think acceptance comes easier with age. I do wear a wig and I have since this started happening. If you ever want to talk, I would love to talk to you. Please don’t be scared. You are not alone!! I wish I could reach through this computer and hug you. It will get better…it’s all ab9out accepting yourself but trust me – that’s not always easy.
~ Shannon
Thanks so much for writing this blog. It gives me hope that I am not alone. You made me feel a whole lot better!!!
It’s ironic I read this message today. The last nine or so years have been miserable for me. Around the same time my hair loss started, it became obvious our daughter had something wrong. She was ultimately diagnosed with autism, and at almost nine is still non verbal, not potty trained, etc.
Anyhow, I’ve never been able to accept either issue. Today I got some new crowns put on at the dentist – I was complaining to my husband about how I didn’t like how they looked. He snapped at me that I would never be happy, and he was so sick of it. That even if I re-grew all my hair and woke up tomorrow with a normal kid, I’d still be miserable. It really hit me hard, and I’ve been pondering if he’s right.
You know what? I’m sick of it, too. I have an enormous amount of depression and anxiety that no medication has ever helped. I need to just snap out of it, and get on with life, already.
Any suggestions on how to do that?
A
I can relate to the heartache and despair, how it puts your life on hold as you wait for things to turn around. What I crave is not having to think of my hair, not feelining compelled to count the hairs all day long to see if a change in the right direction has occurred. When I wash my hair I basically pat the shampoo every so gently and rinse with cool water as well. I don’t comb it immediately like I use to and then ever so gently with the widest toothed comb I could find. Hair fall continuously all day long and when I see it I get that stabbing feeling in my stomach and now I just say it’s ok, I hear you ( meaning my body is just telling me it needs to be more balanced) and I breathe…and you know when you breathe deeply and consciously it has a calming effect. The key is to stay positive no matter what the situation I believe. Keep hope alive. Really really believe that the body can and will turn around, eat healthy, get rid of anything with white flour, any wheat flour and sugar they really don’t give you any nutrition. I know it seems hard but stick with, lean meats, vegetables, fruit, brown rice, lentils, quinoa, eggs sparringly, and replace dairy with almond, or rice or unsweetened cocnut milk. Just say what the heck let me get myself as healthy as I can…and what I just started and never thought I would do or love is 3 months ago I started hot yoga. I am and will always have hope that my hair will turn around and normalize, why not. So hang in there, be sweet and loving to yourself, and know that you will always love yourself because deep down you know you are a good good person.
Breathe in deeply and breathe out slowly….
What a joy to read this. I’m so happy you’ve made peace with your HL. We have no choice but to deal with whatever cards we are dealt, but do have a choice of how we let it affect us. HL sucks and hurts but peace is amazing. It allows us to kick HL in the rear so we can continue with our life which is so precious and short.
You’re right about some thinking you are nuts thinking there is anything positive about HL. However, those of us that are in a better place now totally get it. My mom always told us there are always bigger problems than our own. Nobody’s life is perfect! I’ve read comments from others who say they are better people after HL because they use to be too judgmental … now they are more accepting of others.
I love a quote that says “God puts obstacles in our way to see how we react.” Those words keeps me focused on staying positive and moving forward.
May God bless each and everyone of us with good health and protect us from harm. With those two blessings we can accomplish anything we want. Anyway, we don’t need more bitterness in this world. PEACE, GOOD HEALTH AND LOVE TO ALL.
XOXOXOXOXO
Trust me I know how you feel. Here’s my story….
I’m only 24 and experiencing extreme hair shedding. In a few months I lost maybe 50- 60% of hair. All through out my life I had thick curly hair. This summer (august)I started noticing soooo much shedding. The little trash can in my room is constantly full of hair clumps. I have no idea What could have triggered this. I was never on birth control or any kind of medication and never pregnant. I went to the doctor and got blood test done and everything came back normal. He told me to take vitamins like multi, Biotin, B12, D3. They stared to work for like 2 months and the extreme shedding came back. My father and brother are bald in the front of the head but all the women in my family have great hair.
I tried talking to my parents about this, but they don’t take me seriously. I know I’m not imaging this. My hair thinned out through out my head, so much so that I think I may go bald soon. My center part looks ok but the back oh my head is so thin. I swear you can see scalp. I keep pulling out strands of hair ever time I run my fingers through it. (yes , they have little white bulbs on top of the strand)
I know something is wrong and that it’s not just genetic baldness, I just want to know what. My hair isn’t falling out in front, it’s thinning out everywhere. Also It all happened so fast, with 4-5 months loosing over half a head of hair? At first I thought it maybe Telogen effluvium, because right before my hair started to falls out my scalp kinda itched and tinged .(but I have dry scalp so i dont know) I tried thinking back to what could have caused it. I was stressed during the summer and I had poor eating habits where I would eat once a day or nothing all day, maybe that caught up with me. Another thing I thought it could be is some form of Alopecia, but I don’t see patch of bald spots .
I told my mom last night that I just want to shave my head buy a wig and end this. This is torture for a young female in her twenties to be going through this. The hardest part is thinking no on will love me if I loose all my hair. I’m totally hopeless.
I’m going to see a Doctors and Dermatologist today please pray for me.
I’m from India. The only positive think that happened is I learnt that not all people can be trusted and that not everyone has a big heart.
My hair started falling about 7 years ago. I think it was because I spent much time studying and slept for few hours. For the past 2 years I’ve been trying to sleep regularly, but I’ve been insomniac and these efforts didn’t help. We’re not well off and so I cannot rush to the doctor everytime. I don’t know why my hair continues to fall, almost 70-80% of it is gone already, that too in the front. My parents don’t think its a big issue ( this pains me a lot).
The worst thing that happened was the guy I liked left me (after 2 years) because I wasn’t pretty enough ( my hair – otherwise I’m good). That left me shattered. I’ve been depressed since then. The online tests I took ( about 5 tests) show I have severe depression.
I am an extreme introvert who feels bad to share painful things even with a close friend. I can’t bring myself to share this pain with anyone. This has left me even more desperate.
Everyone person I come across stares at my head, I wish people would look at my face when talking to me. I’m a good musician but even that doesn’t interest me. All that I think about 24×7 is my hair. When I perform, I wish there is something before me to hide me from others’ view. I don’t feel like talking to anyone, or meeting anyone new. All the musicians I perform with are guys which makes it more difficult for me.
I wish I didn’t have to go out of my house. I wish people leave me alone.
My future seems blurred.
I don’t see anything positive coming out of my hairfall.
I wanted to respond to Sara – I’m also 25 and a few months ago got diagnosed with telogen efluvia. I’m not sure right now if it’s temporary or chronic. I know I’m only in the beginning but some days it feels like my life is over. I’ve had some other health issues this year – most of them have stemmed from my extemely stressful an high pressure job that I started a year ago. I was told I have very very low iron, so it could be falling out from there, or from a medicatino I was on , or from stress. I live in a big city and have so many opportunities yet some days I just want to hide in my room in my apartment. I dont even feel lik seeing friends let alone dating anymore! I have always had very long thick dark hair. People have definitely noticed that it’s thinner and now frizzy yet also stringy at the same time. I wish I could make it stop. My hair was one thing I never had to worry about going into work each morning when there was already so much stress, I always got compliments on it as well etc, so it’s literally been impossible for me to cope with.
I know this is negative – but that’s the stage I’m in right now. I apprecaite reading everyones comments and hope that I canlearn to be at peace with it some day.
To Jesse and all the other beautiful ones who have posted here, my heart goes out to you and I pray for your healing, for your body, spirit and mind! I am a 42 year old woman who has been going through this for over 2 years now and on every waking day I pray for a ‘do over’! The problem started when I got a bad perm and then stupid me gave myself a relaxer. Now I am a caucasian woman who has been licensed as a beautician so whatever went through my mind to have a relaxer is beyond me.
Needless to say, my hair was destroyed after that and my scalp as well. This I do blame on myself each and every day. I pray for this to go away and sometimes I think it wasnt just the relaxer but maybe I’m going through some kind of stress hair loss thing too because I’ve never known real sadness nor fear as I do now. I always had thin hair but I had alot of it and now I cant even run a brush through it without a ton of hair falling out or breaking off.
The positive side to this is I do have more understanding of the human condition and I feel sadness and pain for others who are hurting. Before I was a cold, judgemental person with pretty hair. This has made me look on the inside of me rather the outside. Thank God my husband is so wonderful and thinks its all in my mind. I just want to shave it off and rub my scalp and be free of constantly finding my hairs everywhere. I cant even vaccuum anymore, its so mentally draining to find my hairs in the canister rather than my dog’s hair. Is this a nightmare I’m going through where I will wake up in the morning and go whew! I’m sure glad that’s over with now I can be joyful again.
No, this is reality and as my husband tells me I have to go put my ‘big girl pants’ on and stop crying and feeling sorry for myself. So even though this is a daily torture and I would rather lay in bed and cry, I have to get up, try to fix my piddly little hair and put on a happy face and teach my precious boy (we’re homeschoolers) how valuable our lives are. We as hair loss victims must keep reminding ourselves (and I know this is so very hard!) that it’s only hair, we’re not going to die (even though sometimes I think how peaceful that would be). This is like an onion because it has so many painful layers and hurts so many ways. It hurts to see a woman with a huge full head of hair, it hurts to see old pics of how I use to look like, it hurts to think of how I loved life before this happened. I sacrifice each hair I lose to God, this doesnt really make any pain go away but it’s all I can do for now. I am sending prayers and hugs out to you all, who are suffering , that maybe someday we will understand why this is happening and that we will have the courage and strength to carry on no matter what!!
Amazing post! There is a dark and a light side to this experience – sometimes the balance tips one way or the other. But the silver lining is always there. Thanks for the reminder to see it when other things are clouding it out.
The weird thing is that this ISN’T the worst thing that has ever happened to me….but it has been the most challenging, intense and difficult. I know that doesn’t make any sense! It’s why I was so confused – and of course everyone else in my life is more confused. I’ve overcome much more overtly difficult issues before. But I have heard others say the same, that it creates so many other issues, that it’s incredibly complex – instead of more straightforward issue. I think it’s the visibility and tangibility, gradual progression (in most cases), rareness, and complex, subjective nature! It’s a mountain to climb, I’m so glad you’ve learned to give yourself credit and to feel PROUD for the ACCOMPLISHMENT. When you LOSE something, it feels like a loss or failure by definition…but what you’re gaining in the process is a remarkable strength.
amen to that i needed to hear i am not along because i feel hair loss is a curse among us women it should have never happen to none of us never be in our DNA may god bless you and keep your head up because i am going to try my self .i need to begin to accept this thing and move on . but now i have not because it runs in my family my mom is bald on the top my sister is getting bald and me am thinning badly my dad has all his hair and he is 68 i wish i had took his genes instead of my moms i would have hair . but that’s not what god wanted for me