This wonderfully clever and cute post was written by a WHLP network member, Franny. She’s given me permission to repost it here to share it with all of you gals!
This is in response to a recent blog which referred to telling her husband about getting her hair system which got me thinking….always dangerous.
My response was too long to post in the blog’s comments section so here it goes:
Don’t forget that with the majority of men you need to spell things out in simple, quick , unambiguous chunks that require no effort on their part to understand and little or no discussion.
I’ve thought about a handy 5 point plan for other women wanting to have a similar conversation with their husbands / partners….
Once you have decided on the hair system you want the conversation could probably go like this and take around 30 seconds to around 5 minutes (isn’t that usually the case with men??? LOL)
1: I need to get hair
2: This is the kind of hair I am getting and this is how it works (eg wig / topper, maintenance, etc – keep details to a minimum)
3: Getting hair will make me feel:
a. better about myself
b. happier & more self confident
c. *sexier*
4: Cost (this is only an issue if he will be paying for it or the cost will be out of your joint agreed household budget / savings that you contribute to. If you are paying for it – it’s your money and you can spend it however you darn well please. )
5: Any questions?
If he has any question pertaining to cost, remind him of point 3c and infer that he could be ‘getting some’ if Points 1, 3a & 3b are achieved.
If he has questions about the system you’ll be getting – hit him with the technicals – use numbers and car sounding words like ‘110% density high performance mono top’, ‘oil based solvent’ and ‘ high tensile clips’ – avoid telling him things that may make his eyes glaze over like ‘how easy it is to style’ , ‘Cute cut’ and ‘natural parting’.
Be positive and assertive, keep referring to point 3c as required and you’re sorted! Hair system on its way stress free!
OK – a bit tongue in cheek…but probably not by much….
To be fair – the men in your life that love you JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY!
Hair loss is something that they have no control over, and is something that they are not able to fix for you. This makes them anxious and probably why they may seem disinterested, ignore it & dont want to talk about it much. They also love you with or without hair so sometimes just dont get how much it effects you.
You will be handing them a ready-made solution on how you can get back to being the actual woman (not the hair) that they fell in love with again with little or no effort on their part, and within a short amount of time they will probably start thinking that they came up with the solution themselves.
If this is the case – just smile sweetly and nod.
And put 3c to good use.
Hugs to you all.
Fx
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
LOL!! I LOVE this!!! Annette 🙂
Too bad this wasn’t posted awhile ago, my own conversations with my husband about this haven’t been going so well.
Basically, he’s fine with me “getting hair” and will still love me, but for the system I truly want, (Virtuesse) we really, truly, can’t afford it. We’re on just one income, I stay home because of our disabled daughter. Basically, if I want to do it, I need to get a job. End of story.
Blech. So frustrated, and wish I could have this conversation and have it go easily!
This post put a smile on my face. It sounds so easy. I think the key to the whole hair loss thing, if it bothers you (I believe we’ve already established that it bothers the hell out of me) comes in acceptance, I truly believe that once we accept wearing hair, we will be able to suffer a lot less. You are right, they love us and are probably frustrated because they can’t fix it for us. Once we feel better about ourselves, I believe it will project outward. Thanks for the reminder Franny!
Hi Angie,
I don’t know how to get a hold of you but I believe you are the one that left some nice comments on a couple of posts of mine.
I’m sorry about all the stress. Y,our husband is just probably frustrated, just as you are. Your daughter needs round the clock care and you are down, plus the hair loss crap, then the money part – that truly sucks.
Angie, I “complained” about my hair loss all the time and I was miserable, I made a conscious effort to try not to talk about it except for here where everyone understands. I finally bit the bullet and started wearing hair and believe me there is a learning curve, but I accepted I am going to wear hair and deal with getting it to look as good as possible.
My wig isn’t THE hair that I want – I want Y’s but I cannot afford that. If you can save a little a week, it will add up and at least you will be working towards it, and get something good. Just because your circumstances right now can’t afford you the Virtuesse, doesn’t mean you can’t have hair. I think if you could start with something half decent, your spirit would be lifted in the meantime until you can get the hair you want. You don’t need to worry anymore about the dead keratin that is bringing you down and inadvertently your husband, because he’s probably sad, because you are sad.
A little pick me up might snowball into positive. I want positive for you honey.
I hope this helped?
Big hugs your way,
Lina xxoo
I know this is somewhat off topic but reading your post led me to think about this. How/when do you tell a date you have hair (the wig looks pretty good so I like to think dates won’t figure it out on their own!)? I am feeling great since getting my wig and had no problems telling friends and family – but they already know and love me and want the best for me. What about a new guy?
you are so funny!! but so so true. my man….same thing. Telling me I don’t need hair and that my own hair “looks fine”. HA
Thank you so much for being there for all of us. We could do it without you if we had to, but you make our lives so much better’; and we love you for it.
I LOVE this post and have one more suggestion to add. Maybe if you tell your man that he will no longer have to listen to you cry and complain about your hair loss, and that you will be more like your old self, that will be another plus. Only thing is once you start wearing hair, you have to suck it up and not obsess over how the wig looks and start pretending to be happier, which hopefully you will be. Isn’t that the point? Thank for sharing your post.
HI Angie T,
I REALLY do understand about the husband/money issue. We have had many conversations about the costs. I too, do not work. We could pay for it but most time we both vacilate between should we spend the money or not. Once he said if it cost a couple of thousand dollars then do it. But then he gets upset if I spend $40 on a “wig shop/beauty supply” wig and I hate it and won’t wear it. Even when he says go spend the money and get a good wig, I get scared because sometimes even when you spend good money the person who sold the wig is trying to make a sale and doesn’t put you in the right unit or they don’t style/cut it to look the best. Heck, I have even seen some celebrities in wigs that looked not so great. Not critizing (can’t spell) them, but when you pay a lot you should get the best possible result. That’s how how I feel anyway. So, basically I guess what I am saying is that it has been a confusing/challenging time for both me and my husband.
Here’s what I have done to help myself in the situation. I currently have four wigs that I have made good. What I mean is that I have learned how to thin a wig, add hi-lights, and even remove the shine from a cheaper sythetic wig by using dry shampoo in an areosole can. I have a GAZILLION tricks that I have learned. When I was at church on Sunday someone said your hair is pretty. I’m still trying to process that. It felt good though. I guess when she said “your hair” I felt funny. Anyway. now that I have some wigs that make me feel confident, I am going to not buy any new ones and save my money for a good custom wig. But I will still have to find someone that I trust who is not just trying to make a sale. The cheaper places can be a life saver, but the experience can be absolutely YUK. I just sucked it up so that I could find what I needed to make me feel good about me. Usually, in the lower end places, they don’t have a clue, they stand over you, & give you bad opinions about what looks good on you whether it’s type of style or color. Also, some of the wigs they sale are ridiculous, ragedy and poorply made. One thing I was determined not to do was to wear something that made me just as embarassed as losing my hair was. I mean I felt I deserved better than that. I don’t beleive that just because a woman has to wear a wig that she should have to accept crap or draw attention to a situation that is already heart wrenching. Sometimes, I think bad wigs are what have caused some of the stigma around wearing wigs. Because when people think of wigs they think of a shiny helmet or something ill-fitting. That said, I have tried on at least two hundred (or more) wigs and been to at least twenty wig shops. But in the end, I finally found some wigs that make me feel confindent and even pretty. Yes, I was probably a nighmare to the wig shop owners, but I was not going to just buy anything. Buying a wig is a big deal and no one should hurry you, intimidate you, or make you feel like you have to accept crap. The wig I had on the other day (when I got the compliment) is a short Halle Berry type wig. It’s human hair, well constructed, and cost me 24.99. I have had it now for almost two years! So, you can find a good wig for less but it takes a lot of leg work. I don’t like that part but WTH! Oh, and yes I did go back and get another one (still in the box) because I have learned that when you find a wig you like get as many as they have b/c once it’s too old, you’ve lost that look that you loved.
We all have issues behind our hair loss. I have a blog for women and I have wanted to blog about it, but I haven’t had the nerve yet. I even asked Y if I could mention the WHLP and she agreed, but I’m still trying to work up the nerve. I guess what I am saying is there’s so many peices to this journey, we can’t be too hard on ourselves, but finding this site has been a great piece to the puzzle of feeling supported and helped!
I hope Ihave been of some help. Hang in there Lady & blessings to your child and family!
Tania, You sound dogged in your research. Me I want something easy and hand delivered on a silver platter because I’m just not patience enough to go to all the places to check things out. With that said, have you ever considered contacting AmberC on the network? I’ve yet to find someone who wasn’t truly happy with her. She seems to be right on and she seems to really get it. Her website is http://www.personalhairtherapy.com Check her out I think you would be happy.
@Lina – yep, that was me. I’m so glad wearing hair is working out for you. I was reminded today how much I really need to look into this more.
I got my hair done, cut and colored. My stylist swears my hair looks better than it did when I first started seeing her about nine months ago. To me, despite my best efforts, it looks awful. After she rinsed the color out, before she blew dry it, I caught a glimpse of my baring scalp in the mirror and about wanted to throw up. I came home and had an awful panic attack.
I can still make it look passably “ok” – volumizing shampoo, Toppik Hair Fattener and Concealer. But to me, it’s still just crappy, nasty, useless hair that is still falling out.
Today is the anniversary of 9/11. I remember that day well – it was right around then, maybe a few months prior, that I’d began noticing my hair loss. I recall driving to work that day, REALLY bummed about it. I’d started my period that day, and was bummed about that too, cause I’d been hoping I was pregnant. Bald and barren, bald and barren – that was the refrain that kept going through my head. Then I heard the radio about the attacks.
God, if I only knew then what I know now. I never would have had kids, period. I would have started treating my hair loss right THEN, because back then, I still had quite a bit. Now, fast forward ten years later – the refrain in my head is autism, hair loss…autism, hair loss. And I’m SO tired of waiting for things to get better, when they just simply never do.
I can tell you’re a good soul, Lina. 🙂 Thank you for your suggestions, and trying to cheer me up. My daughter’s therapy place is moving soon, coincidentally just a few blocks from the wig shop. Maybe by then I’ll have the nerve to go in and check it out.
(((Hugs))) back at ya 🙂
Angie
@Tania – Thank you so much for your heartfelt kind words, they really mean alot. My stylist today told me make sure if you go with a wig to not skimp out, and get a good one. What I’d really like to do is get a bonded system, preferably Virtuesse. As I was telling Lina, I can still at least hide it somewhat. (Thank goodness for Toppik!) But I am just…so….over this already. I am SO tired of it making me miserable. I am seriously ready to look into other options.
Just even talking to my husband about it was a huge step. For years I refused to discuss it. I was trying to DO something about it, but I wouldn’t talk about it. And it’s not as if he isn’t supportive, it quite simply does come down to finances. I am thinking about trying to find a part time job while the kids are at school, so we’ll see. It’d probably do me good to get out of the house, anyway.
Anyhow, you’ll have to write a post about all your wig “making it work” tips, I’m sure all of the ladies here would appreciate that!
((((Hugs)))) Angie
Hi Angie,
I know how you feel about getting a job to get what you want. Although I can probably afford to get an exspensive custom wig, I can only afford one so it has to be right the first time.
Maybe I will send some picturs of myself in the wigs to our fear less leader and see if she want s me to talk more about my tricks. I would love to offer anything I can to others. Before I found this site I was frustrated, alone, confused and lost. I still don’t know what you guys mean by bonding. I mean I know about weave that you bond to your scalp, but you guys seem to be desrcibing something different. That’s what’s great about this site we are supporting and learning from each other.
Kip – Thanks for the tip. I went to the site and she really does look great in her wigs. When I get my money together, I will definetly contact her. You are right, I have been dogmatic about looking for a wig, but I should clarify. I have probasbly tried in 200 wigs over a two year period of visitng wig shops maybe twice a month on the weekends. Yes, it was tiring, but I simply didn’t feel like I could spen over $100 on a wig since I am not working. Also, it was my desire not feel like I had to look “wiggy” just because I didn’t have the money to spend on a custom wig. Now that I have a few decent looks, I can take a break and save my money for a real custom wig. There are many hurdles one has to deal with when making the transition into wearing wigs and for me, just getting my mind right to pay 900 or more is challenging. Honestly, if someone gave me $1000 right now I would be hesitant because I have a fear that it wouldn’t look the way I want it to and I’d be stuck with it sitting on the floor in a box. I’m working on that just like I am working on not feeling wierd when someone says I like “your” hair.
You guys are all so great!
Blessings to all!