Cutting My Loses, My Hair Loss So Far – Brenna’s Hair Loss Story

At 41, I gave my hairdresser free reign. She cut off everything but 1 inch of outgrowth in my natural color – grey. Under the lights in the salon, my scalp glowed just as brightly, but the white hair complimented the pink shine much better than the chestnut stained trimmings that covered the floor around the chair. There is no question in my mind that facing my reality – infertile, grey and balding at 41 – saved my mental health, and contributed to the end of my marriage. The disappointment in my husband’s face that day when I returned home from the beauty salon, showed me he could never accept me for who I was now, instead of wishing for the woman he’d met 15 years earlier. I knew that living with the truth was the only way for me, and that I would be doing it alone.

When my hair began to shed at age 31, I had thought nothing of it. It was so thick and wavy, I hardly noticed a difference, and simply passed it off as a slight change. By the time I looked in the bathroom mirror and realized the shiny spot on the top of my head was my scalp, it was too late. The Prempro I had been taking to mitigate the symptoms of premature ovarian failure certainly contributed to the loss, but because of the hormone changes from the POS, likely there would have been hair loss if I had not taken any hormones.

After denying the reality for a decade, mainly with new hairstyles and hair color, I couldn’t live any longer pretending to myself that nothing had changed. With barely an inch of outgrowth, I didn’t care if I looked bald when my stylist was done with me – I just wanted to have myself to look at in the mirror – whatever I actually looked like.

The divorce took 2 years – one year to finally say it, and one year to separate our lives and finances. My hair obsession has returned as I face the realities of my new single status. Will I be able to withstand the judgment of my harshest critic – myself – when I meet an attractive man? Am I asking too much of myself and others by presenting the whole truth – balding, grey and 43 – so blatantly? The honest emotions and struggles others share on this site help me see that whatever I want to do, I am not alone, and I deserve to take care of myself in whatever way is appropriate for me right now. Since taking that first step towards independence with my dear hairdresser, I have been shown over and over again by the helping hands of many kind women that sisterhood is powerful. Tonight, I’m inspired to feel that all those women whose hair we covet, need us to prove nothing can make you less beautiful when you know who you are and you love yourself. You definitely helped me tonight. Blessings!

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Dear Brenna,

Your words touched me so much. What a beautifully written, eloquent, honest story. I felt motivated by your courage and saddened by your suffering all at the same time. My heart sank and my eyes filled tears as I read your words “The disappointment in my husband’s face that day when I returned home from the beauty salon, showed me he could never accept me for who I was now, instead of wishing for the woman he’d met 15 years earlier.” I can only imagine what that must feel like. I am so sorry you had to endure that. But I have no doubt that you are so much stronger now, I hear it in your words. Yes understandably you worry as you move forward into the new chapter of your life and into the dating world. Some people will be judgmental that is the unfortunate way of our society, but your spirit, your honesty and beauty are far too strong to be overshadowed but the absence of long locks of hair.

I envy you, you did IT. What all of us struggle with on a daily basis, taking control of your life cutting your hair off. I look for that strength in myself all the time. The moment we can take back control of our hair loss, we get back our lives. Looking way down deep and realizing, “gosh darn it, this on my head is not who I am, I am so much more than this, I have so much to offer. Those who choose not to accept me or judge me because of my hair loss have issues far beyond my fallen follicles.”

Be proud of yourself Brenna, I know you already must be. There is a wonderful man out there for you, And a lucky man he’ll be! Thank you so much for sharing your story and your strength with everyone!

~Y