In the ever constant battle I have with my hair loss I strive to be victorious and triumph over all that it has seemed to take away from me. Some days I feel I am a clear winner and remain productive, pushing the obsessive hair loss thoughts aside, tying what’s left of my hair back, and walking out the door to get on with my life. Other days I feel like I got kicked in the head by godzilla’s foot. Obviously since I’m writing this today, it is clear that today is one of those kicked to the head days and my hair loss has got the best of me… for this moment anyways.
What frustrates me is that I try so hard to move on, but I’m constantly reminded that I have so little hair on my head. I just got done doing a pretty decent session of cardio. I ran on the treadmill for 60 minutes, hoping the run would clear my mind and help me to be more positive today. But… it’s hard to enjoy the run when the sweat rolls straight down my head and I can feel it all over, itching every part of my scalp. When I had all my hair this wasn’t a problem, the hair would just absorb the sweat. In the absence of my former tresses I now am confronted with pools of sweat soaking what’s left of my hair and rolling down into my eyes, into my ears…. everywhere. I manage to get through all of that, constantly patting my face and head with a towel. I then go to my room to change, and there in the mirror I see the reflection of disaster staring back. My soaked head has a million streaked gaps of bald scalp showing threw my very fine hair. It was just awful.
Sometimes it feels like no matter what I do, I end up getting pulled back down and receive a forceful reminder that I’m losing my hair and things will never be the same.
I’ve had these emotional ups and downs long enough to know that there will be better days ahead, I will not give up. I will continue to fight to reclaim myself because…
I am not my hair
I am not my hair
I am not my hair
I am not my hair
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
I know how you feel, my solution has been to buy myself lots of cute, cotton headscarves which I wear when I go to the gym. They soak up the sweat and prevent me from having to see my scalp in the many-mirrors of the gym! You really are so much more than your hair, try to hold on to that thought!
I have a tee shirt that says “it’s not a bald spot, it’s a solor panel for a sex machine”. My husband bought it for me. He doesn’t seem to mind my bald head, thank goodness. When I’m feeling devasted, the tee shirt cheers me up a bit.
Hi Susan – Welcome To The Site! Thank goodness for supportive husbands, it’s important to maintain some sort of sense of humor about hair loss. I manage to make a joke here or there about it. I remember seeing a poster on the ceiling of my dentist’s office when I was a kid, it was a Garfield picture with Odie and it said “We Must All Learn To Laugh At Ourselves.” I’ve always remembered that.
The other day I was at the grocery store with my fiance, and I guess I was just having a forgetful day and he was commenting on it to which I said “Ahhhh leave me alone I have A-L-O-P-E-C-I-A” dragging out the last word very slowly. Is reply was “SOOO DOOOO I” Ha! We both started laughing.
Hi Mira – The head scarves is a great idea and I’m going to get myself some because like you mentioned, the gym mirrors are a whole other thing to deal with the scarf sort of takes care of 2 problems. Thanks.
The sweat issue is one that I always constantly battle. At the gym I am cool because I tuck all my hair in a baseball hat. but it on days like this when it is 100 degrees that I just go crazy. The top front is my thinnest and of course that gets sweaty first. If I wear a bandanna then eventually that gets soaked too. My next step is to get a big head scarf that I can wrap multiple times….
I wish that the only time I was drenched in sweat was at a gym! I sweat profusely all the time. It’s worse now because of the menopause, but I’ve been sweating like this since I was a little child. Imagine, hot flashes at age 4! LOL It would probably be a great idea for me to go to a gym. At least there I wouldn’t get strange stares from people because of all the sweating. But I know what you mean about making your bald spots stand out even worse with the sweating. I just rub my head with the washcloth I carry in my purse for that exact purpose, and then try to comb my hair as best I can to cover the bald spots and carry on with my day. What else can you do?
I know how you all feel!!! I have a love hate relationship with the gym. It just stinks, but what’s a girl to do??
okay girls, this is what I do when I go to the gym. I wear a black sweat band under my black baseball cap which I adjust tightly with the velcro clasp on the back. I pull my long pony tail through the back opening and I look normal and hot to boot!! Make sure you pull the cap all around the band and then fasten it tightly with the velcro underneath the ponytail. I sweat like a pig but nobody notices cz it’s under cover! I’ve got about 20 black and a couple of white sweatbands that I wear with my white sports cap. Works everytime!
I fell across this site, I admit I lauged at my self as I read the story being in the Gym, I don’t feel so alone now, head scarfs are for me, I live in them :+) thanks for the raw honesty!
I’m glad it made you smile 🙂
xoxo
Me, too…I am now in summer, live near Puerto Vallarta and often am just dripping with sweat due to the temp and humidity here. It’s strangely shaming, this seeing balding patches, esp. when sweating… Can’t really figure that out, since I certainly didn’t do anything to bring up shame. Aaaahhhh!!!!