I think one of the biggest concerns women have, in any state of their relationship when dealing with hair loss and wearing hair is… acceptance and understanding – of their situation, of themselves. Will my partner accept me? Will my future partner accept me? How am I going to date with a wig? What about being intimate? The questions are endless.
I had the pleasure to sit down with Alex Hafner to discuss his perspective on this topic. He’s seen first hand my own wig wearing, met me with hair and then I just took it off (pretty typical for me), no warning. Just taking it off now. Everyone act natural. Pretty much, like that. I’ve readjusted (off and on) my wig in public restroom, wig swapped on a plane, and my hair was passed down the aisle of the plane to a woman that was interested in the whole thing, and quite fascinated to learn more. Basically, when I’m done with my wig, it’s coming off and whoever is around just better be prepared, or not… doesn’t matter much to me at this point. It’s just part of me and my existence and life style.
It has been my personal experience, that men don’t really mind that women wear hair, including if you tell them you are wearing hair because of hair loss. My freedom has come in acceptance of my situation, I have hair loss, I wear a wig. I gave up on wishing all my hair would return, and that this situation would somehow change. The only thing I really had control over was how I could manage and deal with this hand I’ve been dealt, and it took well over a decade of suffering and praying and crying to get to that place. I hope others get there much faster. I truly do “own” my situation, and accept it for what it is. I think that is why the response of those around me, men & women, has been so positive. Often when I get complimented on my hair, 99.9% of the time, I say, “it’a wig.” I don’t have to, but I do. Usually I’m met with disbelief and I take it one step further and have them feel, where the WiGrip sits at the nape of my head and watch their expression, the moment where they realize, I’m not joking… IT’S A WIG. Good times.
What do men think about women, hair loss and wigs?
Well, at least we can find out what this one man thinks ! It’s a start !
I’m sure every man is different, and I’m sure the dealings that women have with their own situations, with wigs and hair loss will be different. What I have read by women on this site, is that their partners have been quite supportive. Having said that, it’s also fairly common that they may not initially understand the scope and magnitude of it all as well. They aren’t trying to be insensitive, they just aren’t truly understanding it all, or unable to grasp it. That goes for pretty much everyone in our lives, whether it be a friend, parent, or spouse. They don’t always “get it,” at least not initially, and some, never do. They accept it (hopefully), but they don’t “get it,” or the impact it has on our lives, the toll it can take on our outlook on life, our present, our future, and how we feel about ourselves as women, how we feel about ourself PERIOD.
If our family and friends don’t fully get it, but accept us, that’s okay too… it kind of has to be, we can’t expect everyone to understand to the degree we wish they could. Some will, some won’t. But when it comes to our partner, our spouse, the person we wake up next to everyday, I raise the bar. Personally, this person will need to come to the table with acceptance, love and a desire to understand.
In a dating world, I personally would come out immediately with it all, because I recently turned forty, and honestly, I don’t have a lot of time to waste in waiting 1 week, 1 month, or 1 day, to find out you (my hypothetical significant other) aren’t gonna like me because of this “situation” I have going on here *waving and pointing my hands over my head* 🙂
Hope you enjoy the video!
Much Love To All,
Y
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Hey, just a big thank you to you two for that conversation. I so appreciated the compassion and the basic human-ness of it. I mean shit, at the end of the day, we are just people, man or woman, who want to love and be loved, see and be seen for our inner beauty. That’s what came across. Thank you both. Anni
What a great conversation! Alex is an awesome human being.
Thanks for your latest post; I always feel I’m the only one on the planet going through this when I see other women. I appreciate the reminder.
Naomi
Gorgeous! So lovely, positive and uplifting. He is speaking for all the good men out there. The others we want nothing to do with anyway! I think he had a good point in that it is how you carry yourself. If you are all self-loathing about yourself and your hair, others will feel the same way. Your own vibe is so contageous. Gotta own it. I am personally still working on it, but thanks to following this blog over the (many) years , I think I am reaching a much healthier and happier place with my self image. And THAT is the key to being happy despite hair loss. Great to have a new post from you, and to see you have met a lovely warm hearted man. All the best to you both!
Thanks so much for the video.
I was thinking about it a lot lately – and It feels good to see that (some?) men don’t pay much attention to it – and we make it much more of a problem than it really is – I mean, we need to let the other person express their POV about it before we choose for them and drop any chance to be happy. At least this is my problem. I don’t date so I don’t have to deal with it!
thank you. I think about wearing hair ALL THE TIME but don’t have the courage. My husband is awesome and supportive but can’t seem to step off the bridge and try some hair on! L-o-v-e the site. Kelsey.
Wow! What an incredibly empowering interview. Thank you Y and Alex for putting a conversation out there that so many wearing hair or contemplating wearing hair have struggled with.
So much gratitude for the candor, the honesty and the encouragement to stand up to the fear of exposure and rejection. Thank you, especially, Y, for the years of sharing EVERY step of your journey with us – for the time and effort and love to help those who struggled with the same pain of hair loss.
And for now – helping us go through another key door of acceptance and empowerment. You are an amazing soul.
Forever grateful for you and Follea and Sophie and Alex.
Thank you, I am just starting down this journey. My husband continually reminds me that he will live me no matter what, and that all he wants is me to be healthy. It is still so painful, but not doing this alone is helping.
Hola.soy de argentina tengo alopecia fibrosante cicatrizal.me angustia observar como estoy perdiendo el cabello.ya probé todos los tratamiento y no vi resultados.gracias
I need help making the first step to a wig. I have salt and pepper hair help. Where should I go ?
I went to the “image shop” and since I am Caucasian, asked where I could get a “really pretty and natural looking Caucasian wig. I explained that I wanted one that looked as natural as possible, not like the ones they had there that women only wear temporarily. She looked carefully at my hair color and cut and ordered several wigs for me to try on. Tried five styles – one was practically identical to my natural hair. Then she ordered some more to match my color. I went when I felt I was beginning to lose too much hair on top so she could see it in its natural state. My wig is so pretty that anyone I choose to tell is amazed and said they would never been able to tell. I told a new de that I was seeing that it was a wig and she said it must be an expensive one because she could not tell (it was $350 and I have since found it online for half the price). I feel pretty again, and my husband thinks it’s cute. I think if I was dating, I would tell the guy after the 3rd or 4th date if it was clear we were going to see each other again. Good luck!
*Went to the image shop at a cancer center at a hospital
Hello, I really liked the video, it’s very helpful. What wig are you wearing in this vid by the way? It’s gorgeous.