Women's Hair Loss Project

To my hair loss sisters who woke up today and are struggling in their loss, where it feels the tears just fall with no end in sight, where you wonder if there can be anything else other than this…. Where your heart aches from the loss but it aches from also being misunderstood, and you just wish someone could get it, for 2 seconds.

I want you to know. I get it. Fully. I’m on he 25th year of hair loss and I know how hard this journey as been at many points, but have faith in that things CAN get better, you don’t even need to know the how or when, but you need to believe it can, with the evolution of yourself, your strength, it’s all possible. This I know. This I’ve lived. From my heart to yours, Sending you much love.

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I think I’ve spent my whole life wanting to be understood, this was before hair loss. But with hair loss that became impossible. Still to this day. 

Everyone’s hair loss situation is different, everyone’s situation is unique, but some people assume they know what someone else is going through, exactly what they are going thorough,as though we all have spent our time from birth walking the same path in all ways, from our childhood environment to how we popped into this world with our own “Ism’s.” To just the random life challenges life tossed to us along the way. 

People forget to see the person, people forget to listen. Hence why I’ve stated I spent most of my earlier years just wanting to be understood, outside hair loss, but in hair loss, universally across the board, every woman just wants to be seen, and respected and have her feeling validated and not dismissed. 

That whole “hurt people hurt people thing,” doesn’t fly, that is not excuse to hurt someone else. It IS a reason for inward reflection and getting help, but not an excuse to hurt someone else. 

To any woman dealing with hair loss today, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…. Your hair can be the same amount as my wig, present day, and your feelings are valid, Every. Single one. The quantity of perceived loss from others doesn’t define the right to your feelings. 

There is no road map to “loss of self,” just follow this way…. To find yourself again. That, I’m afraid doesn’t exist, but what hinders so many along the way is that the people around them offline and on, ignore, dismiss, insult… rinse, repeat. Not everyone. But it happens plenty. 

Hair loss has life altering devastating effects to the person dealing with it, be kind. It literally costs you nothing to be kind, you don’t have to fully understand all the ABC’s of hair loss to have empathy for another. Healing often begins when we feel seen, be that person in the life of someone you care about, help them heal.

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After 24 years of hair loss I had to shave my head this past May, it was weighing too much on me, and taking too much of a toll on mental health.

Something I did not account for, was that my clothes would look “off” with a shaved head, the balance thrown off. Often left feeling like just a blob, or my head looks too small, or too big depending on what I’m wearing.

In this video I show my purchases I recently made, that I think work both, with a shaved and my wig, and I show how it looks with and without hair. I need to continue to look for items of clothing that will favorably work with my shaved head, so I can have more than a bunch of the same shirt to wear 🙂 It is just something I did not anticipate when shaving my head, that my clothes would look uncomfortably different, than when I even had my short hair loss bio hair cut.

Not that it would have altered my decision to shave my head, I very much needed to do that for my mental health in dealing with hair loss, but I might have been better prepared for that if I knew ahead of time.

I had a couple things that I felt comfortable and confident in, that I felt worked with the shaved head AND my wigs, and so I bought several of the same “type” of things from Rag & Bone, not much variety, my style skills are limited anyways, so I am sticking with what I know. Living with hair loss takes time, and it does require us to evolve as our hair loss evolves, and adapt.

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I hate change, anyone that knows me knows how badly I hate change, much more than the average person. I like consistency, control, I like perfection, to a fault, to the point it actually hurts and drives my body mad, a visceral response. 

Imagine needing everything to be in order, nothing out of place, and I mean with the dumbest stuff you can think of, and then your hair falls out. Hair loss has to be ranking at the top of one of the most disordered afflictions. The only thing sure in this process is that my hair will forever fall out, my hair loss Is progressive. I cannot control this. 
I cannot control my wigs, I cannot make them perfect, because no perfect wig exists. I could never get exactly the same wig as I had the time before when I found one I loved, because each wig was different, even within the same manufacturer, even within the same line. This is not a t shirt, there is human intervention and trust me I see the differences in the same shirt or sweater I purchase from the same place, even those are sometimes never exact. 

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It’s been almost 6 months since I shaved my head due to getting a 2nd hair loss last year, which was in addition to the 24 year old female pattern baldness I have had since I was 21 years old.

I am adjusting and adapting. It still isn’t something I love, but I do love I did the thing I needed to do, to move forward in my hair loss life. In this video I share my thoughts on why I needed to shave my head, and what it has done for me, as well as some thoughts on learning to live with hair loss.

Hair loss is hard, it’s a process to learn to accept and evolve and find our way, but there is a way to live with hair loss, to not have it rule your life. This I know.

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