Sex, Wigs & Hair Loss – Can you have sex in a wig? Yes. Do you need to have sex in your wig? I don’t think you should feel you have to do anything other than what feels best for you, and what makes you feel most comfortable.
If you choose to keep your hair on, I do think it’s helps if you’ve shared that you wear hair, and also note – there isn’t much of an explanation you are required to provide as to why – that’s up to you, but in doing so, you won’t be as concerned if it’s touched or if it slips a tiny bit.
Personally, I would be turned off by anyone that doesn’t accept all of me, the hair loss and the wigs… and I often rip that bandaid before an appetizer is ordered on Day 1, so I haven’t really had to battle or navigate this situation with any degree of real stress to it. Also, my Instagram I use for Women’s Hair Loss Project is the only Instagram I use, so when someone says “Hey, what’s your Instagram?” That is what they get. You’re welcome gentlemen. So it’s not a secret to men or women in my life, but I do know not everyone wants to share, we are all different and I don’t think any one way is better than the other. Whichever allows you to live your best life, is the right way for you.
I don’t have the cure to hair loss, what I do have is the knowledge that the ability to live with hair loss exists, and that the ability to get to a place of being able to live with hair loss and not have it rule your life, does involve letting go of the need for anyone else’s approval or waiting for their validation of your situation.
Acceptance is within us, and we control that… that should be a freeing feeling, knowing that no one has to give you that, you can give that to yourself. I’m not saying it’s easy, but I am saying waiting for validation can keep us stuck on the spin cycle. Hair loss is something very difficult for others to truly understand, and understand it in the manner to which it deeply and profoundly affects and alters our lives. You do not need to wait for anyone to get it in order to move forward in your life.
I don’t underestimate the value of validation and the healing properties within it, and I very much think being seen matters, but I also think waiting to be seen or waiting for validation, can hurt us and hold us back.
I don’t know that enough thought or weight is given to the immense value and importance of changing our thoughts/mindset/pre-conceived notions for ourselves, rather than waiting or hoping for the validation or acceptance from others.
We cannot force anyone to understand our hair loss and what we are going through.
There are so few absolutes in this world, but I feel like this is one.
What we feel is so personal and intimate to us, and nobody, not even others experiencing hair loss can understand EXACTLY how we feel or what we are going through.
Be true to yourself, to your feelings. You don’t need to explain yourself or seek external validation. I know sometimes we want it, but expecting that will be a thing from other people in our lives can potentially halt us from healing and moving forward and often times if does lead to disappointment.
Even when people genuinely try and empathize, it can still feel they just don’t get it, or perhaps better stated, they aren’t “getting it” in the manner which we think/feel would be helpful to us. It really is something very difficult for others to understand and I know even the most well-intended people in my life were unable to make me feel understood and seen.
In time I got to a place I no longer needed that, nor sought it out. I do share about my hair loss and wearing wigs, but I don’t do so with ANY expectation of what another will or will not deliver.
I validate my situation, it’s real, it’s been deep.
Do you try to explain and share about your hair loss and/or hair wearing to people in your life? What has been your experience.
I see a lot of less than favorable things occurring online when it comes to buying hair, false narratives, false promises, wildly inaccurate representations and ultimately at times, the failure to deliver the product promised.
If a customization is done to any wig or topper, whatsoever, the consumer is screwed if there is an issue. No recourse. Custom items cannot be returned, even if it was the manufacturer that messed the item up.
I am often written by women who are devastated, who feel they have been taken advantage of, and lost thousands of dollars and nothing is done to help them by the provider. Women stay silent because they are worried to speak out about the really wrong things that occur in this industry for fear they will be shunned and worse that they they will be actually verbally attacked online by the provider – Yes this has been told to me.
This is madness when I hear it, It happens.
So the cycle perpetuates. I understand where women are coming from about not wanting to speak up, I understand how vulnerable this is, and that is what makes this even more insidious to me. Some manufacturers are, in my opinion, capitalizing on the vulnerability of women with hair loss and their inability to speak up about it when they get a defective product, or their custom order was messed up before they even received it.
Since I am contacted all the time from women wanting to buy wigs and asking for my input, I need to provide the truth about buying wigs. It’s really a buyer beware from ANY COMPANY.
Please share this message, please inform others. As women, as a community we should be looking out for one another.
I notice a lot of people want solid answers, definitive answers on hair loss treatments, varying from IF it will work for them, IF they shed from the treatment – will the hair come back, where on the head the benefit will be, if any.
Unfortunately, there are no guarantees with anything and there are no definitive answers. We can only know what works and doesn’t work for us. There is nothing that universally responds exactly the same in every person… And everything, EVERYTHING has risks.
Anything that can make your hair grow, can also make it shed. That is a hair loss treatment universal truth. I am not a doctor, but this is also more than just my opinion and most ethical doctors would agree this is true. It’s not advertised, because it’s not a sexy selling point to anything. True for Minoxidil, true for PRP, true for laser therapy… anything.
I believe to do best for ourselves, we need the most education possible, so that we can make informed decisions and go in eyes wide open with ANYTHING we choose, whether it’s a hair loss treatment or wig.
Birth control pills and hair loss is very common, I just don’t think that women know how common it is until they are affected by it.
I had made this video for instagram, and felt I wanted to share here, as I think more women should have this information and I also wanted to provide a home here for women to share their own experiences as well. If you want to view the comments that were shared on instagram, you can find the post on my IGTV there: https://www.instagram.com/whlpnetwork/
Birth Control pills can cause hair loss that is temporary, however, it can also kick in our genetic pre-disposition for hair loss and that is what I definitely believed caused the beginning of my hair loss in 1999 – Getting off the pill Loestrin FE.
Some doctors believe that getting on a “hair friendly” pill can stabilize the hormones and help hair loss. In my opinion, there is no such thing as a “hair friendly” pill.
When I first started to lose my hair I would try and discuss what what was happening, and every time I was meant with a smack in the face, or what felt like a smack in the face. Since I started off this process with a ton of hair, for many years into my hair loss, I still “Looked” like I had a lot of hair, even though my loss was very real, very profound and taking a tremendous toll on me.
I wanted to be SEEN so badly, and I was dismissed. It was really very hurtful, it shut me down – and it made my already bad situation, worse.
Please realize, you don’t need to prove your hair loss, you don’t need another person’s validation for what you feel or what you do.
Nobody, and I do mean NOBODY knows you, like you. Nobody knows what your hair was, and nobody has any reference point to compare it to like you do.
The same thing is true for if you want to treat your hair loss, or wear wigs. There is no approval needed by anyone. None. You need to do what is best for you.
You cannot live your life waiting and hoping another person gets it.
Living with hair loss is difficult. So difficult. Conceptually imagining that it was a possibility was a complete improbability for me for many years and I understand it takes so much out of us. There also can be this external pressure to feel like we need to be something or somewhere other than where we are. Which honestly, makes everything much more difficult.
I received this comment on my video, “It’s OK To Not Be OK About Your Hair Loss” and I wanted to share my thoughts on dealing with hair loss, deciding to treat it or not, wearing wigs or not and really just allowing yourself to be true to yourself and not feeling pressure to feel anything other than what you FEEL.
She wrote: I feel the pressure to be positive for everyone else all the time about this hair loss. I don’t see a day coming that I can accept this …but I’m trying. One moment to the next. Thank you for validating our feelings. Only someone else living with this can truly understand.
We need to remove any pressure we are putting on ourselves to be happy or positive for ANYONE else about OUR hair loss. You do not need to be happy about a devastating situation to make someone else more comfortable in their world. I understand the pressure to feel that way, but I want to let you and everyone else know, this doesn’t help us deal with with one of the most devastating afflictions to women.
I wanted you to HEAR me speak The words and not just read them on the screen.
I wanted you to take them in, I wanted you to feel the meaning and what I am saying. So I have recorded my words to this video and shared some of my love, including my baby HOPE. The male kitten I got from the Spanish Harlem shelter in 2001, and who I name HOPE because I was devastated by my hair loss and needed a reminder that HOPE was always around. I am pretty sure I still haven’t recovered from his passing in 2019, but that is a different story.
For 13 years I have communicated with women online, and I know the pain from hair loss, not just my own – but in hearing your stories. I spent over the first half of my hair loss life (of 22 years) not believing, feeling or thinking that things could get better, but it did and it is important for me to let those know, that need to know – it can better, that it definitely can.
Often I find that women are so hard on themselves, comparing themselves to other women, which makes the process of working through anything so much more difficult, and especially in dealing with your hair loss – something that is plenty sufficient to deal with on its own.
You only have to do what feels right for you, not for anyone else.
I want to first write that I am not a fan of hair transplants for women, I personally
think that most women with androgenetic alopecia are NOT candidates for
this procedure. Having said that, I get emailed all the time from women looking
for a good hair transplant surgeon.
If you are deadset on having a consultation, please visit the International Alliance
of Hair Restoration Surgeons. The IAHRS (http://www.iahrs.org)
is an organization that selectively screens skilled and ethical hair transplant
surgeons. Read
my thoughts about hair transplants here.
