Lina sent me this post to share with you. If you haven’t followed Lina’s journey you can read her other posts here.
So three wig wearers walk into a wig shop…
Just an update as my one year anniversary approaches of wearing hair full-time (sorry this is a little long).
I have posted a few blogs on this site and have found a wealth of encouragement, inspiration, and compassion on this site – a real sisterhood. After “suffering” and I know you know when I say “suffering” with HL for 25 years; the gamut of emotions: self-loathing, anxiety, depression, hiding from life, feeling like the future is hopeless, feeling somehow less and unworthy, scared, a ball of negativity, my old self gone and the list goes on.
Well, timing would have it a whole lot of “life” was added to my load last year and the final monumental shed happened – I call it the point of no return, time to deal. Luckily, Y – our fearless leader, was completely entrenched in her wig search and shared everything: highs, lows, amazing hair videos, even how to wash them. I couldn’t help but let her energy sweep me up in a vortex of possibility. So long story short Aug. 17, 2012 I shaved my head and forced myself to wear my “just in case” wig that had been in my closet for two years. I won’t go into details as I blogged about my shave and hair wearing beginning or I will keep you girls here for days 🙂
Slowly starting to accept this as Lina 2.0, I started feeling less chest tightening, accepting the occasional outings that would have me in public – gasp, the thought! Even my reflection (while wearing hair) in the mirror – still difficult to make the non-hair wearing eye contact. Guess what? I started laughing again, a little at first – what strange noise is this? My sense of humor started to creep in, people were commenting on a very positive change in my spirit and low and behold they wanted to start hanging out with me again – besides my hair loss I was most afraid of was losing myself.
Truthfully I was ignorant of the amazing quality and numerous options available to hair wearers – I thought I was going to be stuck in some sort of sweaty, plastic head piece with clown costume hair. I will say I fought wearing hair, I wore a frown and swore at her when I took her off at night – this lasted a few weeks until I decided that it was ok to make friends. I also started to get used to her and then pick apart the rest of my “numerous flaws” – like I wasn’t allowed to feel good about wearing hair or me because something else has to be wrong? Boy, oh, boy – what a completely non-fun roller coaster this HL truly is.
So back to the WHLP – my salvation, truly! You girls supported me, encouraged me and gave me strength. A forever grateful thank you to Y – my mentor 🙂 and a couple of other girls who really took me under their wings – love you! I pretty much feel all the women here are ah-mazing, and I actually forged a pretty unbelievable friendship with a couple of ladies here – my forever friends now, I just know it 🙂 I have an extremely small circle and I can honestly say that I have never had a friendship like I do with these women. Guess what? We decided to meet – miles and miles apart, hell Countries apart and we met in NYC for the first time last month. Oh my, it was instantaneous – non-stop laughing. 5 minutes in, I’m like “want to see my wig cap”? Pop I go – pop she goes and pop so does she! Let me tell you, only and handful of my family have ever seen me without my wig and only once. I felt completely at ease with the show and tell. Well it was all up-hill from there. The entire few days spent I remember thinking to myself a number of times – wow these women are so amazing, so funny, so beautiful and I never thought: gasp – hair wearers! I remembered how we met but I only saw them 🙂 Then I thought, well if I see them like that, then maybe others see me like that? What an eye opening realization – a monumental ‘aha’ moment that is going to only soar me into my hair wearing future and acceptance of what makes me, me.
Remember my idea of wigs? Let me bring you to the title of this blog. We decided to walk into Milano’s wig shop to try on wigs and check out colours in person. We were lead into the back and there were two employees and one customer in there and a whole lot of heads with hair. The one worker was quite brisk and very unapproachable (that’s a blog in itself), well after a few minutes off comes my wig, then the other two girls, we tried things we liked and colours we knew would be totally wrong but boy that was pretty funny. The lady is staring at us with her mouth dropped open and then she says: “when you girls walked in, I was like what are you doing in here?” then she said you took off your wigs. Damn, those are some fine pieces! We fooled a wig seller! Finger snap and hair swish 🙂
This approaching one year of hair wearing has been full of challenges and many highs and lows. Many more challenges ahead, however I started actually living my life and am realizing that it is okay to smile, to laugh, to live all the while wearing hair. I am not less, I am worthy and possibilities abound. It is okay to accept me for who I am and who I am not. I still find my biggest challenge to be me – but I am so working on it and I’m not doing it anymore huddled up in a ball crying and hiding.
I want you to know we are all more and life is definitely worth living. Have a super happy day – you just try to wipe the grin off my face 🙂
xo
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh I SO LOVE this blog and can SO RELATE to it!! As some of you may already know, I too am a happy hair wearer and feel like “I got my life back”! Next month will be one full year into wearing hair…and what year it has been! THANK YOU SO MUCH to Y and ALL of the ladies here…many have become very very dear friends and I so hope we can meet one day…I would be so greatly honoured:)
Lina, I am SO happy for you!! I remember reading your posts on this website right at the beginning of your hair wearing journey…gosh, how FAR you have come. You were, and are, SUCH an inspiration for me. Even tho’ you didn’t know it at the time, reading your posts helped me SO MUCH to pluck up the courage and just to go for it! :)) HUGS to you and may God bless you! xx
What a great blog! I laughed so hard reading it.
I have been wearing wigs for 15 years and I can only say that the last two years have been freedom day because I finally accepted myself with all of it, or lack of it. My wigs are synthetic for right now and I learned to keep them looking ‘natural’ most of the time. I get them styled but I ‘customized them to my head size as I please. Usually I cut the neck part of it because is too long for my head and bothersome. The most important part is that I feel great with my hair (used to have curly that I would straighten all the time). Now I have straight and beautiful looking hair that feels right for my face and who I am. I cropped whatever is left of hair on my scalp very short and I attached the wig with tape. That seems to be enough.
And the best part is that I have a boyfriend who does not care whether I have hair or not. He adores me anyway. Though I don’t go around telling everyone about my hair, I am willing to share my experiences if someone asks me. I have tried and done it all and this is what works for me now. My next goal is to get human hair wig. and it’s coming….
But who cares, lack of hair does not rule my emotions anymore!!
We can all be beautiful and gorgeous and sexy with or without hair.
Good luck to all of you who are still struggling.
I love you, Mari
Anyone and everyone on this site have been a support to me, whether they know it or not. I have been wearing a wig for about 6 months, as I lost all my hair in the front very quickly (scarring alopecia). Even though I had hair in the back, I wasn’t going to have a come over like my male neighbor. I’m currently 85% totally without hair. Reading all of your responses on this blog has given me the courage to deal with new ‘happening ‘ in my life. At first I was like most of you, devastated and angry. I have accepted the fact, my hair (or lack of) does not define me. I am who I am. I have so many things to be grateful for in my life. For those of you still in the devastation and angry phase, it will get better. Just like any big life change, give it a little time and be gentle with yourself. Take good care.
Love to read Lina’s posts! Most meaningful to me..’.feeling somehow less and unworthy’. Hair loss is the devil for making me feel bad about myself, ugly, unattractive. It’s such a blessing to know at the end of my journey there isn’t heartbreak and desolation , but , joy and a sense of peace. 🙂
I am so relieved to see your comment about getting used to your new hair only to start picking apart your other flaws. I’m only 2 weeks in to wearing hair and that sudden focus on all my other less than perfect features was a real shock. I was so sure that “fixing” the hair problem would make everything perfect. It is such a relief to hear that it is possible for that stage to pass eventually too.
So at first I was going to respond by posting my whole long, sad hair loss story, but I deleted that because what I really want to say, is “thank you “Y”, for making it alright for me (and others) to wear wigs. When you think about it, why does it carry such a stigma? In this day and age when every model has breast implants and hair extensions, what is it about wigs that seems so, well…embarrassing. Like if anyone finds out, OMG! Maybe it is the very word “wig” itself. Or perhaps it is all the bad ones you see out there. Or maybe, just maybe it’s because we all think that we are the only one in the world who is wearing a wig. I mean absolutely NO ONE talks about it. Every magazine has hair style features, but when was the last time you opened a women’s magazine (even Oprah or More) and saw a feature on how to style wigs or thin hair? Anyway…. recently my mother (quite bald) passed away and to get over my feelings of loss (mother and hair), thanks to this site, I found the courage to purchase a very high end wig human hair wig like Follea. After owning it for about a week I decided to take some pictures of myself with my new “do” and post them on Facebook. When the compliments started pouring in, I posted and told everyone in Facebook land that I am experiencing hairloss and that surprise … it’s a wig! This is my small personal step towards helping to unmask the “shame”. Thank you “Y”, with all my heart, for taking a giant one.
Wow… Lina – this is where I want/I WILL be someday! So so sooooo happy for you!!! We will ALL get there – in one way or another, it will happen… God’s Blessings to you and to all of us…. xo
I can so relate to Lina’s story – itis my story too. I’ve been wearing a wig for one month now and I’m just starting to like myself again – even wearing makeup! WHLP is wonderful, even if I don’t write a lot I read everything Y posts and it’s so relieving to see that I’m not a freak or alone in the world.
@Beth Stein I so agree with you. I found out I feel more confortable with letting friends know that I wear a wig instead of trying to conceal it (which I couldn’t because they’ve seen me before wearing a shawl 24/7). I think most people tend to be nice and supportive about it. Of course nasty people will probably talk on your back but they would do that anyway wig or no wig. I really think we should all try and “come out of the closet” as hair wearers as a way to unmask the shame as you put it 🙂
See what I mean about the ah-mazing women here…
@Ciella,
Seems we both will be raising the anniversary glass toast next month! Congratulations. Also, thank you for saying I was an inspiration to you – those are deep words for me.
I have followed your journey too and you have come a long way. You are always a source of compassion and positivity to all. It is funny how this journey has dragged us down so, who would of thought I would talk about this with “strangers”, laugh and cry with them, meet them in person. All the times I was dismissed or made to feel stupid about my hair loss and frozen and it took these “strangers” to help me through one of my toughest battles. I love you all so much. One day we may meet, you never know, amazing how the world opens up when you let it. Have a happy day xo
@Mari
15 years of wearing hair and 13 to feel pretty ok about it – see doctors, see how serious this can be!
You sound so good, positive, happy and at peace and I love your last few sentences, hair loss does not rule your emotions anymore – high five sista!
Yes, we can be beautiful and sexy no matter what and duh your boyfriend adores you no matter what – we really are the inside stuff not the window dressing. Honestly, it is a difficult subject for me thinking about telling a man in hopes to have a relationship but meeting people with hair loss in person and listening to people like you, I only see the wonder of them – all the amazing, infectious personality. Thank you.
xo
Oh yeah – I’m clapping my hands excited to hear about your new human hair!
@Linda
I’m sorry this happened to you so fast and at the same time amazed at how quickly it seems you dealt and found the perspective (I am awestruck at how strong you are) – I don’t dwell but I lost a lot of time and living – a lot. Your positive attitude is wonderful and hair count does not define you or me or anyone else. I love that you have so many things to be grateful for and you are right about being kind to ourselves – somehow that can be one of the most difficult things to do, when it completely should not be.
Thank you for sharing with me. xo
@Erin
thank you for your kind words. This hair loss can so creep into every aspect of how we feel about ourselves. I got caught up in the negativity and ugly that I saw and felt about me – this is a prime example of how powerful our minds truly are. I also mourned for so long that I didn’t know how to see light instead of darkness. Only when I opened up here and found you all did that change for me. I happen to have had exchanges with you and see your wonderful self, you will see her too, just be kind to yourself and reach out to us here whenever you need or want to.
xo
@Lauren
Oddly, I thought I was alone but when I shared how I was feeling about myself after I decided to wear hair, a lot of women told me they started the negative pick apart too. I’m not exactly sure why? I think in my case, I suffered for so long and my hair was the focus – if I could only fix that one thing… Then I was dealing with looking at me in hair and getting used to that, it was like I wasn’t allowed to like what I saw. I don’t know if it was because I was negative for so long and boy that can screw with your psyche or if because it wasn’t my real hair something has to be wrong – I’m not allowed to feel good in hair? This shit does not make sense at all.
Just know, we can feel good for who we are – even wearing hair! This will pass, can we lose a few pounds? maybe. Is my body the greatest? hell no. Would I like little more here and a little less there? Sure. But you know what? I am me – imperfections and all. Why do I expect something from myself that I don’t expect from others? Beauty is 100% from within – let us all not forget. You strut your hair baby and you are beautiful. xo
@Beth
First, I also am giving a huge thank you to Y – I feel protective of her, like she saved me but truth is she saved and helped A LOT of us!
I agree with you 100% about hair advertising – geesh, you know how many hair commercials, ads, shows, products abound?! Ask any hair loss sufferer and they will give you an eye roll and spit up a little!
It’s like the home decorating magazines – walk in closets, spa bathrooms, kitchens to drool over! Really? How does that help my 700 sq ft apt and living in reality?
I admire your openness and strength – I aspire to that and am not there yet, maybe one day.
Thank you for sharing. xo
@Annette
Wanting to be here will get you here! WHLP is the right place.
Do you know how many conversations I have had in my head and aloud to myself trying to talk myself into: wearing hair; accepting me, holding my head high, allowing myself to be happy, telling myself I am more than what I look like, the inside matters most… Anything and everything to help me – sticky notes of positive quotes and inspiration on my fridge, mirror. This is a journey, one step in front of the other – no matter how small. God’s blessings to you my dear. xo
@Clara
So funny, I tried to put make up on last night – and not a lot as I never wear make up, I felt ugly and dressed accordingly. I found out, I don’t even know how to wear make up. I’m gonna learn and now I want to dress better, I feel good on the inside and want it to show on the out 🙂 It is because of all the stories here that I am where I am at. So happy to hear you are moving forward big time!
xo
Did you wind up purchasing anything at Milano- how was quality of their wigs
((((Lina)))) You’ve made me cry, dammit!
I Love You, My Forever Friend.
Enough said…..Angie 🙂
@kiki
I purchased a wigrip and brush from Milano. I saw a virgin human hair wig I liked very much and noted the colour: 10-4. The sales lady in the back was very unapproachable and I am not in the financial position to buy a wig right now but would consider the one I saw if I could find on their site how to measure for a cap, I couldn’t find a cap size option and to me that makes all the difference in the way it fits. The hair was lovely and less than half the price of the virgin I currently have! That’s amazing. I do believe that if I use a new brand of wig, I will need to try the first one on in person – it’s just too big an investment to go site unseen for me.
Hope this helps.
@Angie
I love you my forever friend! I sure hope those are tears of joy?!
Trust me when I say, lean on those who will allow you and know that you can face, conquer and thrive. You are an amazing individual and that has nothing to do with hair!
I want laughter and happiness the most for you because you so deserve it!
xo to you, Risa and your whole family.
Yes, they were tears of joy, I have followed your journey and still remember how tough it was for you in the beginning. You havve come so far and inspired so many and I’m just so HAPPY for you to be in such a great place. Yes. Tears of joy, indeed.
Xoxo, Angie
This post made me cry, mostly tears of joy. 🙂 Your spirit is beautiful and you are courageous. Our journey through life can be so challenging and seem so unfair at times. It’s such a blessing to see triumph, self acceptance and true bravery along the way. You are a warrior! 🙂
@Andrea
Thank you honey, a warrior? That is quite a transformation considering the depths I sank – that just made me reflect on truly how far I guess I’ve come. Lots to go still and you so nailed it with the journey of life being so challenging and unfair at times…
Here is to the warrior in all of us – even when we can’t see her.
xo