This is so emotional that I am crying as I type this out. I don’t know any better way to sort through my feelings than just writing it all down.
Hummm.. where do I start? Well, I recently turned 34 and after living with androgenetic alopecia for 13 years, I decided to look into the mirror and say to myself, “When? If not now, when?” That question I posed to myself was in relation to asking myself how many more years of my life will I spend not being able to be who I really want to be, portray myself how I want to portray myself and to just feel comfortable in my own skin. How many more years will I play musical chairs at the dinner table to avoid the brightest overhead lightening or run past my reflection wherever it may appear? How many more years will I shutter at the sight of myself in a public bathroom mirror or think how much better I would look WITH more hair? More hair, the old hair, the old me… so far gone it’s hard to remember that person, it’s hard to remember what it is like to really have hair. How many more years will I sacrifice to “just getting by?” I have lost way more than 3/4 of the hair I started with and I have been just working with what I have, albeit still being able to pull off a thin hair gal look most of the time. I think most people probably just think I have thin hair naturally, or at least I hope that is the image I give off.
I’ve just grown to accept the thin sorry wisps of hair that crown my head, all while the hairs continue to say adios to me throughout the day, falling here, there and everywhere. What am I afraid of? What do I have to loose to just move forward and make the leap into wearing hair? Ultimately, for me, the holy grail has always been to wear bonded hair, which I would remove weekly for cleanup and reattachment. But, I’m way too much of a scaredy cat to just make that happen immediately, so I decided to get my feet wet first by trying to work with some human hair wigs. Wigs, oh my god! The whole thing is so confusing, this cap, that cap, lace, no lace, glueless lace, mono, multi-directional, clips, combs, velcro… time for some wine.
I don’t know ANYTHING about wigs at all. I know company names.. Fora, Follea, Freeda. They all offer European human hair wigs. Where to start? Well I decided to start with the most accessible and cheapest, since I bought a discontinued wig… Freeda. Bonus, they ship next day, score! After all, I have suffered 13 long years why wait for standard mail right? Freeda has a whole section of discontinued wigs that are as low as $399 and many of them are at the $789 price point. So the other day I poured through all the pictures and picked two I thought might work well.
Wig # 1: $499
Wig # 2: $789
Yesterday I sat waiting by the door like a child on Christmas morning, anxiously awaiting the gift of hair that was to be delivered by the magic hair man… UPS. The doorbell rang around 4pm and I practically trampled over my dog to beat him to the door. I gave the UPS man some version of a signature on his little electronic device thingy and ran back to the kitchen to locate the nearest knife. That darn frigging box was like Fort Knox. Kudos to UPS for some high quality boxes that are impossible to open when you are frantic to get to your HAIR! Finally after much effort I got the box open and pulled out 2 pretty purple bags with the logo Freeda elegantly typed across it. Freeda sounds a lot like “freedom” to me, so it must be a good sign. Lord knows I want to be free from being a slave to my hair loss and letting it run me instead of me running it.
Out comes wig # 1 – Cue the music of some disappointing moment. Honestly this first wig wasn’t natural and looked wiggy to my eyes. The part line was way too tight and I don’t know if it was the short style or what, but that thing just was not working for me. That wig is definitely going back tomorrow under their 3 day return policy.
Out comes wig # 2 – Gorgeous, beautiful stunning hair. Hair that is the same weight and texture that I used to have once upon a time. It felt nice to hold, swing it and run my hands through it…. soooo soft. I ran up stairs and instantly flung that thing on and tried to work it every which way to get the most natural look for it. If it wasn’t for the fact that the hairline is seemingly unnaturally tightly knotted, that wig would be PERFECT. That super tightly knotted hair line makes it a wig giveaway for a keen eye. Right behind the hairline, it has a great part. Very natural. I pulled out about 1/8 inch of my hairline and started to try and blend my hairline with the wig. It wasn’t half bad. I felt good, I felt happy. I looked at it in all kinds of lighting and honestly this wig is almost flawless, except for that thing I mentioned.
I worked it into a hairstyle I thought was passable, with the right side rolled into my own hair, twisted and pulled to the back, fastened with a clip. Pretty.
I felt like yesterday was a victory. This was possibility. This was HOPE. After playing with the wig for an hour or so I had to spend the next 5 minutes trying to get the thing out of my hair LOL. What a ridiculous sight that must have been. The wig has a comb in the front and 2 clips, one on each side, and that sh#t was stuck in there. After a bit of wiggling I finally got it out. I had used the side clips and learned that as I had previously suspected, clips hurt on thin hair. Period. It tugs and it just isn’t happening, at least not for me. So I tried it again, this time leaving the clips open, but utilizing the “comb” aspect of it. Much better. The combs don’t actually have to be closed shut to be of benefit to holding the hair in place. It feels more secure with the clips closed, but no thanks, I’ll pass on that one. So I placed Rina (that’s her name) on a cookie jar and went to dinner. I felt renewed, confident and anxious for what possibility this could bring. I have no delusions of my hair growing back, so the only way I’m going to get the hair I used to have, is to pull out the Amex card and buy it. So be it. I had such a great attitude about it…. yesterday.
I awoke this morning at 4am, I dreamt about wigs all night long. I couldn’t sleep, I had to see Rina and she had to be on my head ASAP. Whilst my fiancé slept I worked like Gepetto in his workshop, getting that thing just right. After a bit of time, I looked and said, “Wow!” Am I allowed to call myself beautiful? I think I was looking beautiful! I was feeling beautiful. Me, the old me, the me with hair – the me I was meant to be. There I was in the mirror. Hello old friend! Then I became acutely aware that this wig was feeling heavy, but I told myself I would try and get at least 5 hours in it today and work up an hour each day to adjust to wearing it. I assume like anything else in life, it take time to adjust. So on I went with my morning. First thing I did was snap some photos for a WHLP network friend of mine who I had previously told about my wig hunt, sent those off to her then went to walk my dog. The wig was still feeling heavy on my head, but I was NOT going to give up. I walked my dog and ran into a fellow dog walker who stopped and talked to me. She didn’t notice a thing, she never once glanced at my hairline… Yay! I walked away making note of that small victory, and then suddently realizing this thing is getting really heavy on my head and my neck started to hurt a bit from the heaviness. I shrugged it off and kept on.
My fiancé awoke saw me in the kitchen with my wig, he said I looked beautiful and I told him we need to take Rina out for a test run to Starbucks. Off we went, all the while my fiancé examined my head in every type of lightning, sunlight, indoors etc., and while he did acknowledge that flaw and wig “giveaway” I mentioned earlier, he said most people would never notice it, you have to really look for it. I decided I would rather have people wondering if I’m wearing a good wig or a hair piece than to see me as a balding girl.
At Starbucks no one noticed, I felt so much more confident, but the wig started to really feel heavy and my neck was feeling tight so after returning home I said uncle at the 4 hour mark. I took Rina off and returned to my thin wisps that looked even thinner after having a loving mop of gorgeous locks on my head. Back to the ponytail, and realizing my scalp was SORE. Oddly enough, not where the side combs/clips were, but on the crown of my head where no clip existed. I have no idea what was the cause of that, all I know is things went downhill from there. I only got 4 hours out of Rina before HAD to get her off my head, that isn’t much time at all. My head stayed sore and tender for quite awhile. It’s the evening now and it feels better, finally. But geez louise that sucks right? I started to get frustrated and wrought with emotion after I took the wig off. How is this going to work? Maybe it’s just this wig, maybe a different brand would be better, maybe all wigs are like this, maybe I am being a baby for crying about it after only testing it out for such a short period of time. How is this going to work? The pain coupled with knowing that the wig isn’t 100% undetectable caused me to fall into a deep depressed slump. I was so happy yesterday and this morning and as the day went on I grew sadder and felt more hopeless than ever.
It was day one. Things take time, I know this. It was an emotional roller coaster that culminated with my face being red from crying and an open bottle of chardonnay. I look like a hot mess right now. Mascara is stuck to my cheeks and my Rina is sitting on her styrofoam head looking gorgeous. Bi*ch. Maybe I need to be a styrofoam head to get the most natural look 🙂
I will keep on working with Rina and hope it gets better, I will also look at other European human hair wig suppliers and keep everyone posted with my wig adventures. There is hope here, I saw it yesterday and I saw it this morning. There is hope. I had some really high moments this past 24 hours and some of the lowest moments I have had in a long time. It’s all part of this nutty hair loss journey I suppose. *sigh* Love to all xoxo
{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }
Thanks for sharing this! I’m so excited that you took the first step, I can’t wait until the package arrives with my new hair! Don’t be discouraged, I think you’re right that it’s all a part of this crazy HL journey!
The second wig is BEAUTIFUL, by the way…on your head and off! It looks very natural in your picture! I can only imagine who disappointing it must be to have it start hurting after only 4 hours. I hope it gets easier from here on out! <3
I know how you feel…..I was 28 when I discovered I could no longer cover my spots. My hair loss is mainly from bangs to 1″ above my ears all around. Super thin. I started wearing wigs nearly 4 years ago. It took me a while to find ones I liked….the P.O. became rich off my returns alone! Thanks for sharing….
you should check out Paulayoung.com , wigs.com, and wig.com. Jacklyn Smith has a beautiful line…lace front or not, that looks so natural. I love them! Versafiber wigs are also great. Freeda is expensive, you can find beautiful lower priced wigs at these other online stores. Feel free to write.
Patty
Hi! well I went on a cruise and my room had a three sided mirror with lights all around, especially from the ceiling! THEN, when I returned I saw the pictures more closely. Not good I tell ya! This has been going on for years, but it is now so very noticable. I did see a new product that has some dermal skin cap that stays on your head for weeks at a time…??? Only thing is, I THINK that they must shave what little hair I DO have… and that just adds salt to the wound… don’t you think? But at some point it is going to come to using something! Also, i have heard the buzz words cellular regenerative therapy and hair cloning…???? I don’t see those on your key words list. Can someone speak on any of this? Thanks much! Ohhh PS… question, somewhere hidding in a closet is a laser hair comb… I only tried it for a couple of months and gave up. Has it helped anyone? Should I pull it out and try again? Thanks much… alopecia, or so I have been told… thanks for the genes my family!
Hi there! Don’t be discouraged. As a wig wearer since I was approximately your age (many yrs. ago Lol!), maybe I can give you a few facts that might help. First of all, getting a wig that looks even half -way decent on the first try is a stroke of luck. Next, if you can make the hairline look so natural as in the photo, you still have more of your own hair at the hairline than you think. If you want the most natural looking hairline you’d have to get a wig with a lace front. That’s what I wear nowadays. As far as the heaviness and soreness you’re feeling, it might just be that the wig needs some thinning. Almost all wigs do at first! They usually need at least a little tweaking (cutting, styling, etc.) too. I suggest you bring it to a reputable wig shop and ask what they think. If it’s thinned a little it will look even more natural and feel less heavy on your head. If there’s anything else about wigs you’d like to know, please feel free to contact me. Good luck! Sincerely, Karen
Hi!
Great article. How did you feel about seeing people who knew what your hair looked like? That’s a fear I have about wearing a wig out. I’m getting some bangs replacements and hope I feel better about using that first!
I can so relate to this all. People had admired my hair when I was a teenager or in my early twenties…. I am interested in also getting a “Rina” and I think that yours looks totally natural! At least we can look great for going out with our men or for some special occasions. That is worth it! I would not wear it everyday. I have a breast cancer friend who also wears a wig, so we can be happy that we only have to wear it to look better! HUGs!
Thank you so much for all your advice, support and encouragement! and it really means a lot to me. I stuck Rina back on my head today and I’m going to try to get 5 hours of her. 🙂
@ImJena – I’ve been reading your posts in the Network and I’m so excited for you to get your new hair! I’m looking forward to hearing about your experience.
@Patty – Thanks for the wig shop recommendations! I didn’t really mind the cost of this wig, I just want to be happy, comfortable etc. The post office probably does make a good chunk of chain from the wig returns of the world 🙂
@TJ – I don’t know about the dermal skin cap thing, but I don’t know about much related to wearing hair. Maybe someone else can shed some light on that. I know there is Replicel, Histogen and maybe others that are trying to do hair cloning. I really haven’t studied up on that. I’ve been far too consumed with my own current situation. I’m not counting on regenerative therapy to get my hair back, I’m counting on Glue! 🙂 I know some women believe that the laser does work for them and is a good adjunct to their current regimen. For me, I’m not really a big believer in it. There are a lot of opinions on it, in the comments section of this post:
https://www.womenshairlossproject.com/hair-loss/laser-comb-and-other-laser-hair-loss-treatments/
@Karen – Thanks for sharing your experience and encouragement. I don’t really have much of a hairline.. it’s very thin wisps, but I guess enough wisps to blend well. I agree with you that lace is probably going to be the way to go for that natural hairline, but I’m not having much luck finding caucasian women lace fronts online. Yaffa and Follea both have lace fronts but haven’t seen them of had the ability to be able to try one out yet. Which company do you use for your lace front piece? Is it clueless or do you use an adhesive? I think I would benefit from some super stylist wigologist to assist me further in working with Rina. She does have a lot of hair and maybe benefit from some thinning for sure. Thanks for the advice and sharing your expertise.
@laurasey – Actually I’m not really all that concerned about the people I know seeing me in the wig, I’m resolved to just letting them know ever so matter of factly that “My hair sucks, it’s getting thinner, it makes me very unhappy, so this is what I’m going to be trying out” I’ll let them know how much better the hair makes me feel, it’s the new me. I really just want the the wig to work… comfort, naturalness, ease of wear and have it fit into my lifestyle as well as can be possible. If my hair looks really good, and I’m fine with it I don’t think others will have an issue with it. Or at least that’s what I’m hoping, I maybe be wrong and encounter some unpleasant situation. But I just can’t imagine it would be worse than always feeling like I have to shrink away wherever I am because I’m so insecure with how I look due to my very thin hair. Good luck with the bang replacement, If I could stand clip ins at the hair line, I would have very much liked to make sure of the clip in ones, but my hair line is too fragile and sparse.
@antje – Thanks for the kind words about my girl. I actually got the wig for the exact reasons you mentioned, for occasions like going out to dinner or when you really want to feel your best. I don’t intend to wear a full wig all the time, but right now I’m going to work on keeping it on as long as possible to adjust to it. I agree with you, about putting things into perspective. I constantly remind myself, I am for the most part very healthy, and the one THING I do have is this friggin hair loss, but I suppose if this is the worst thing that happens to me in my life, I should consider myself lucky. The quicker we can adjust to letting the former image of ourselves go and accepting who we are today, accepting wearing hair or whatever, the closer we get to getting on with our lives. For the longest time I resisted wearing hair because it’s not MY hair. I thought to myself, it will never be as good as my natural color (which people always complimented ) it will never be the texture and shine and then I realized one day that I’m living in some crazy universe if I think MY hair in it’s current state would be better than the fine locks of a piece such as Rina. My color isn’t even the color it was before because it has miniaturized over time and lost some pigment, the texture isn’t what I had, it’s a thin frizzy fluff of a mess that I can tame into looking ok when necessary, but still just OK, not great, not something that enhances me in anyway or gives me confidence.. just okay. I’m not okay with OK anymore. I hope you find your Rina soon and that she enhances your life. I foresee a lot of struggles with myself, in getting this just right, but it is a process and anything worth having is worth fighting for and I’m going to fight to get the hair on my head that I want to help me live the rest of my life how I deserve to. Hugs back at you! xoxo
Reading your story, I felt very moved, because I also began to lose my hair at a very young age and did all the same manuevers ie: avoiding lights, reflections, etc. At one point, I even seriously considered having a funeral for my hair, hoping I could bury it, grieve and move on! Absurd as this sound, it really is a grieving process, and one that just goes on and on. Flash forward. Now 55 years old, and have done it all – bonding, wig, two hair transplants, and remember the high and low you describe with the wig. — thinking I looked beautiful while simultaneously being filled with despair by it’s many limitations and knowing that there is really no acceptable substitute for one’s own hair. At least not yet. In the end, I have made peace with the two transplants combined with using a little Toppik scalp concealer, and except for situations like going swimming, it has been an acceptable solution and I even get some compliments on my haircut now and then. All I can tell you, is that while it will never be the same as it was, things will get better with age. You will find a solution that is works for you, and as you age, you will learn to move on. Peace and love. Beth
Wow, can I ever relate to this. Glad to hear you got the wig and am very curious to learn how it all turns out. Keep your head held high, honey! You are not alone.
Thanks for sharing your story. Your hair looks so pretty in the photo! Currently I don’t wear a wig but I’m sure it’s in my future. I had a bob for years but it was thinner on one side than the other, with very thin bangs and a high hairline, and I got sick of the stares. Now I’m getting away with a pixie cut, and don’t get the stares anymore. But before I made the plunge into the short haircut (that was really difficult for me) I went to 2 different wig studios and tried on wigs, just to prove to myself I could do it. The women there were so nice and they’d seen it all before. And at least you can see immediately how the hair will look. I am by no means an expert on the subject, but maybe studio might be a possibility for you? Maybe you could just save Rina for special occasions, if the heaviness doesn’t get better. Also, remember what a wonderful site you have created here and how many women you have helped. You are awesome!
I was wondering – did you have on a “wig cap” ? I don’t know what type of cap is Rina? I was thinking that “maybe” (I certainly am no expert – but have been researching wigs like CRAZY) – could the cap be irritating your scalp? Maybe a wig cap would make it feel better (cushiony) I know that’s not even a word because my spellcheck told me it wasn’t…. BUT, this may be the problem? ALSO, the heaviness – some gals mentioned thinning it out – that would definitely take some weight off… Also, have you ever considered writing a book on your experience. I LOVE LOVE your writing style!!! God Bless and BEST BEST of luck to you!!! Annette
I read your blog last night and thought about you being a write just as Annette mentioned above! I do love your creative descriptive style. Your style reminds me of the writer that would recap Big Rich Texas (yes addicted to that stupid show for some reason). Anyway you are so bright and descriptively creative.
I am sooooooooooooo excited for you to make this first step towards your “holy grail” and your picture is adorable. You look so so so cute! And by the way when I got my extensions put in (I also suffer from serious scalp and neck pain) the attached area was so sore for 3 days afterwards and every maintenance visit same thing over again. However my last tightening before she took them out made my neck hurt the whole time. I have them out right now and didn’t realize the neck pain it was causing me. I know this may be way to soon in this journey to even consider but I bet It would feel better if we shaved and it was directly attached to the scalp instead of the super sensitive hair follicle that is directly attached to nerve endings. I just don’t want you to think there is no hope. I know you will find your way Y. I am so excited for you!
I read your blog last night and thought about you being a writer just as Annette mentioned above! I do love your creative descriptive style. Your style reminds me of the writer that would recap Big Rich Texas (yes addicted to that stupid show for some reason). Anyway you are so bright and descriptively creative.
I am sooooooooooooo excited for you to make this first step towards your “holy grail” and your picture is adorable. You look so so so cute! And by the way when I got my extensions put in (I also suffer from serious scalp and neck pain) the attached area was so sore for 3 days afterwards and every maintenance visit same thing over again. However my last tightening before she took them out made my neck hurt the whole time. I have them out right now and didn’t realize the neck pain it was causing me. I know this may be way to soon in this journey to even consider but I bet It would feel better if we shaved and it was directly attached to the scalp instead of the super sensitive hair follicle that is directly attached to nerve endings. I just don’t want you to think there is no hope. I know you will find your way Y. I am so excited for you!
Hi – I just read your post and so many times, I caught myself thinking ‘that’s totally me, that’s how I feel!’ but I’m so glad that you shared your story with us. There are many days where I feel utterly hopeless and defeated. Kudos to you for taking the steps to challenge those blah feelings and do something, yay! From the photo, it looks amazingly natural! Best of luck on the trials and I really do hope it works out for you, please keep us posted when you can! xoxo
You look beautiful and very natural, what a gorgeous hair piece. Thanks so much for sharing your experience with us. You helped so many of us by providing this site for us all to connect an not feel so alone, I can’t thank you enough for that. What I like is that you felt beautiful and that is how you should feel and deserve to feel. You will make peacee with all of this in your own time and find the solution that works best for you. In the meantime you got your feet wet, and moved on your own behalf. I think that what was important for me was that to move towards the positive. Thanks for your lovely response to my bonding blog:)
xoxoxo
Lisa
I loved reading this! I just turned 24 and just bought a human hair wig–Jon Renau’s Angie. I absolutely love it! but i am also having trouble with the hairline. however, i feel exactly what you said…i would rather have people wondering if i have a good wig than see a balding me. While the wig cost way more than i could afford, and i am on a payment plan to my parents for the next year, I am so happy that I just took the plunge and went with it. I don’t want to live forever being miserable. Yours looks awesome in that picture! I however have been having trouble with styling. before I have always had synthetic wigs with wefts and i could hook bobby pins onto the wefts and now i don’t have that! how to people with naturally thick hair keep bobby pins in?! haha. I am lost when it comes to having good hair, but congrats on taking the leap. It definitnely takes time, and it’s still depressing at times, but it is definitely a mood booster 🙂
Thanks again for the support! It is wonderful to read all your thoughts and comments, means so much! I will have to make another post in the next couple days updating everyone with the busy past couple days I’ve had. Oye vey, I’m on a wig rampage.. Day before yesterday I bought 2 milano wigs, took my Freeda wig to get fixed at the hairline, hoping to make that tight knotted thing more natural AND today I had an appointment in Beverly Hills at Follea and dah dah dah.. What do the sounds of the gates of heaven sound like? Holy crap! The hair of my dreams is now with me, me and her together at last, it was love at first sight! I will have to start selling off pieces of my house to cover the cost of the wig but what the fu@$k I don’t even care that the wig was the price of a car LOL. All I know is that this is the most insanely awesome, completely flawless wig I’ve ever seen in my life. I’ll have to name her because she didn’t come with one. She is the star of my rapid wig collection I’ve amassed, this sassy diva will surely be the envy of the others. I’l have to take pics of “Natasha” ( dare I say I found a name for this precious princess) and post them on the blog.
@Beth – I get the whole funeral for the hair, believe me! Not absurd at all. Lord knows I’ve grieved over the loss of it. Your comment was inspirational for myself and others as it is proof that while it takes time, things get better, I know this from experience in just learning to deal with my hair loss but now it’s good in hearing about it for this “next” stage of this quack a doodle journey I’m on!
@Michelle – I’m surely committed and indebted (literally) to this wigalicious paved road ahead of me. I see good times ahead!
@Supermama – Indeed a studio is the way to go! I can say that for sure, from both my experiences, one at Milano Wigs and at Follea. The Milano Wigs had a huge showroom and you can try on a gazillion pieces, I was kind of on my own there because the gals that worked there where so busy with everyone else, but they where all very nice. The Follea was a private salon, very intimate and dedicated assistance. Rina isn’t out of the picture, but I’m afraid she is definitely second fiddle.
@Annette – Oh I forgot to mention this in my little update blurb above. I found something called a WiGrip by Milano Wigs, that was actually why I went to the Milano Wig store on Sunday. It is awesome. It completely eliminates the need for combs and clips. There is a youtube video online about it, I’ll have to find the link and post it. The band goes around your head (adjustable strap) and the wig sits on top of it and grips to it. Magic! Thank you so much for you kind words about my writing style, I think of it as babbling LOL. I have indeed throughout about writing a book, and have started the process many times, but life yanks us in all different directions and work consumes much of my time, that the project always gets pushed aside. Thanks for you support!
@Kip – Thank to you as well for complimenting my writing style, so much appreciated! Gosh, I want to write MORE now! I don’t know the show Big Rich Texas, I’m so out of the loop. I have a very dedicated TV show regimen of Celebrity Apprentice, Judge Judy, Law & Order, every Housewives Show on the planet, The Voice and now America’s Got Talent. Humm I watch a lot of TV. Turns out I do have a lot of extra time to write a book. heee heee here. I think you are right that the shave and bond is likely going to be the supreme attachment and lifestyle hair. At least for me it would be. But in the meantime, Natasha, Rina, Reese & Ms. OL16 will just have to do – baby steps indeed, but I feel my crawl has now turned into the wobbly baby stand & fall. I’ll find my footing eventually.
@ Queenie – Often times we think that how we feel can only be happening to us, but most of the time we have a whole army of women around us going through the exact same emotions and situations. I know those words, “Hopeless” and “Defeated” they are like little pesky monkeys swinging from my back, many times I have been successful at shaking them loose, but inevitably those little buggers find there way back from time to time. I will definitely keep everyone posted about my progress.
@Lisa – Thanks so much for your kind words. I always am moved to know that the site has been of help to other women in coping with their hair loss and moving forward to finding solutions. I know that change takes time, adjusting takes time. Accepting wearing hair isn’t going to be an easy, but I’m committed to it, committed to living and doing what I have to do to get the life I want and deserve committed to helping other women do the same. This is our life, here and now. This is our time. I hate that I wasted so many years of my life. Turning 34 was a turning point and a decision had to be made. Get by just enough or Get Living. Decision made.
@Shaina – Congrats on taking the plunge to wearing hair! Indeed I think it is far better for someone to think “Humm is she wearing hair?” than to think “OMG did you see how thin her hair was?” Wearing a wig allows me to go into a bathroom and be able to LOOK into the mirror. I’ve definitely perfected the hand wash and go without ever lifting and eye to glance up. Now I look and I see.. it’s me, there in the mirror, not the wispy crappy hair me, but the me I was meant to be. As far as your style question, I really only have one Wig hair style I feel 100% good about wearing out, it’s the one in the pic above. Natasha is in that style right now. It feels secure to me visually, meaning the most natural and undetectable. Perhaps eventually I’ll play around with it, but I don’t want to go hog wild crazy or anything before I’m comfortable in this thing 🙂 I do know that there are the wig highs and lows, “Yay I got hair.. but wait, it’s not mine. Crap.” LOL. Yadda Yadda. XOXO
Thanks again everyone for all your support!
I just wanted to say hi and congrats on fining the hair of your dreams.
I have had trichtotilomania since I was in 10th grade (I am now 47) and 3 years ago I got it under control, but I know I would never get all my hair back. I wore my hair pulled back in work and wore a scally cap when I went out socially. Last year I was laid off from my job of 28 years and one day walked into a fancy salon that also handled wigs for cancer patients and threw up my hands and help, please. I need to job interview. I walked out with a wonderful wig that matched my brown hair exactly. My Mom, Dad, and close family loved it. Some friends loved it, others ignored it. I went back to the salon in April and this time we found the perfect cut. It is amazing and I so wish it was my hair. Sadly I am finding that I am still losing my hair and I have no clear idea why (or what to do about it), but at least I found a style that makes me happy.
Well, one word : thanks. Coming back here two years to the date I left this wonderful WHLP and finding THIS post you just got in a few days ago. Must be a sign… When I left you, you were trying out this treatment with injections in the scalp. I was amazed of the results you were posting about and wanted to try it out. Then I got pregnant, became a mum and had post-partum hairloss (which was a terrible thing to go through, for me but especally for my son and man. I was feeling depressed, nothing could give me back my smiling face, not even looking at my wonderful little boy… I really considered buying hair but I was devasteted by the idea. Because it was not MY hair and I just wanted MY hair back… Buying a piece was like giving up on my hair.
I am now pregnant with my second son. My hair has stopped falling but I know this is only temporary. And it will fall down again and I don’t want to feel depressed about it again. We’re the same age (34) and our hairloss story has the same length (10 years or so for my part). Your journey is a little bit like mine and this revelation you speak about here is just the thing I needed to read to convince myself that it is not “giving up”. It is taking control. Losing all those attachements to my own poor hair. Accepting it has passed away and having empowerment over my life, buying the beautiful hair I had never had. Moving on. Getting the power back. Deciding what is more important to me : my life with a wig or my already lost fight to get back what has passed. And being so depressed about it.
So many thanks. You’re inspiring.
Please keep on posting details about your wig journey : I’m new in the business too and I would very much gain from your sharing…
Take care of you and your new lady friends ! 😉
@Jennifer – I’m sorry to hear you are still continuing to loose your hair. It is such a struggle and for many of us it ends up being a lifelong one. You it is technically more socially acceptable for a man to be losing their hair – the pain is no less I’m sure, but more accepted by society. However, as women it is more acceptable for us to WEAR hair. So many women wear hair for a variety of reasons. I met a lady recently who wears wigs and she has ALL her hair, she just never liked her hair and they way it behaved so when she was 20 she started wearing wigs full time. I think one of the biggest hurdles for me in wearing a wig, was the actual word “WIG” It conjures up an image in my mind that doesn’t fit with me, and so I resisted. Part of the reason I think it’s fun to have the wig have a name is that is how I like to refer to it around the house with my fiancé. In public, I can say “Did you check on Natalia?” and that’s code for “Is my Wig on Straight?” 🙂 Gotta laugh and have fun with it. Sometimes we have to hit close to rock bottom to find the gem of hope we were searching for the whole time. Congrats on finding a new style for your gal. I know what you mean about wishing it was your hair. When I see myself in the mirror it crosses my mind too, I even forget at times it’s not – if you can even imagine that. Like I mentioned in a different post, it’s not a perfect solution, but at least it is an actual good solution that works when you find the right one.
@ Bidi – I completely understand how devastating the thought of buying a wig is. I was so out of place when I wanted into a wig store last week that I throughout to myself it’s quite possible I’d feel more comfortable in a porn shop LOL! But the more you are around it, the better it gets. I’m not all 100% fine with it yet, and who knows if I’ll ever be, but the joy and confidence it brings me far outweighs and negativity it perhaps could bring in my mind. I didn’t give up on my hair, it gave up on me a long time ago – onwards forth. New days and new beginnings. I’m so new to this wig wearing world that I know there are some steep tumbles ahead, but I’ll take it as it comes – blog about it I’m sure, have a glass of wine and move on the next day. The hard talk I had with myself made me really look into my heart and ask how long I will suffer, till I’m 45, 55, 65 – will I wait till I’m 70 and look back and see how foolish I had been, the life I had given up when I HAD a choice. I can CHOOSE to make this work and it’s a path I’m on and not turning back 🙂
XOXO
Such a beautifully written post and Rina looks so pretty on you. I bet Natasha is awesome:)
I’m now on this journey with androgenic alopecia and wow, it’s so hard to handle. I am thinning out rapidly in the front, crown area and am already tired with having to hide what’s happening. I have nearly waist length hair, have had long hair all of my life and I can’t quite believe it is deserting me.
My hair loss started after the birth of my little boy three years ago. I feel it was masking what was already going on. It stepped up after a death in my family but the really weird thing is that I dreamt I had lost my hair and then a month later it started thinning.
I am quite realistic. I know this hair ain’t coming back but there is a chink of hope that it might. I think eventually – and at the speed I am thinning not too far away – a topper, wig will be a good option. I worry I will always struggle with the fact it isn’t the hair I had but I completely empathise with just wanting to live a carefree life.
The overwhelming feeling I have is shame and I am not sure why. I feel less of a woman, less of a person. I try exceptionally hard to be positive, it is only hair after all. No-one has died, I haven’t lost a child… But still, it’s tough. Hair loss is a very quiet kind of hurt.
However, I won’t let it beat me. There are always options out there and it’s just a case of finding the one that works for you. At the moment I am taking vitamins, scalp massage and starting trying a new range called Phylia M which has launched in the UK. If this doesn’t work I will be going on a wig rampage too 🙂
Xx
That’s what’s really important : we have a choice. Of course, I would have prefered not to have to make this kind of choice but I didn’t ask for this : it dropped out on me. And now it is my responsability for not letting it destroy me and my loved ones.
What will I think of myself if, at the age of 70, I realize I spend most of my time mourning on hair instead of enjoying this gift of life ?
I’m sure I will have, like you said, some dropdowns from time to time but it is not going to ruin my life further more than it already has. This is the promise I make to myself today and I am glad to know I am not alone in this journey. All of those stories, your stories, give me strength to move on beyond hair loss. Thanks !
Wow. Congratulations. You/it/she look beautiful. I’m so very happy for you. Wear it in good health…I wish you the very best. X
so we are living the same life right now. I just got a topper and the gamut of emotions make for a good night of sleep. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and think…today I will have hair..surely I am not loosing my hair. And every morning I sure am!!!
I wore my topper all day yesterday and then saw my mom (who has been my saving grace through this) and she said that the part/hair was not well blended. AWESOME. I was devastated. The day before she had seen it and it looked fab…
Thank you so much! Just got my freeda… Love it!
If the combs really bother you I’d advise you to get the freedom band. Freeda sells it as well as the milano website for wigs. It is amazing and really helps the wig stays on. Also allows for easy removal. If you live in NYC you can get one in Brooklyn by Ave J and Coney Island at this store Legacy for $15.
This is so comforting for me to read.
I always had voluminous curly hair, my best feature. But in the last few years, my hair loss has been phenomenal and is in so many spots. And my hair is still falling out in bunches every week. I thought for sure my many visits to doctors and tests would uncover the cause, but now I’m losing hope. I have felt SO stressed over it. Hourly, daily, weekly, its like a thorn in my shoe. Really I felt for a while that it was the end of a real life.
I still avoid taking showers and washing my hair because I just don’t want to see another handful of hair in my drain- or really I just don’t want the emotional reaction that overwhelms me after seeing more hair coming out.
For a while I could hide some areas with eye shadow or pulling hair from one section across another. (wow, I have sympathy now for those men who try to disguise their major balding with those terrible comb overs. I get it!) Now its gettign harder to hide the fact that the dome of my scalp is showing through.
So I’m looking at wigs online and trying to move forward- not to stay in the past of what I had, what I should still have… or to give up on life. I don’t mean suicidal, just that feeling that I’m a lesser person now, unattractive, defective, sticking out like a sore thumb, and unappealing.
Reading your account of getting your first wigs is just so exciting and relevant to me.
I was dismayed to hear that it was so heavy and hurt your neck. I never knew that could be a side effect. But I’m thinking of ordering something.
I’ve been watching youtube videos of how to make it look more natural.
Just wanted to thank you and your great description of what it was like.
Just wanted to let you know there is a product called wig grip that will keep the wig on your head – straight- with no need to use the clips. It changed my life cuz the wig is so so much more comfortable to wear. You can purchase a wig grip at milano wigs (just google it)
We’ll, I just opened my FedEx box containing a Freeda Rina discontinued wig with much trepidation. My experience with “hairy hats” hasn’t been positive and although I was very excited about Freeda after reading online reviews, the reality of this new hairy hat has me in the dumps. First of all I’ve got to say that the hair is just gorgeous and the color is so natural but the multi-directional skin top is poufy and makes crunching noises (similar to crumpled tissue paper) when pressed. The size small cap is at least two inches to big in the hairline to nape measurement. This is really the bane of my wig problems as my head measurements are freakishly small compared to the average head. The circumference fit great though and that was a surprise. So my dilemma is this, do I take advantage of the companies 3 day return policy and keep looking or do I send it back to be customized to fit my head better? I’m tired of waisting money on “hairy hats”. Collectively, I’ve flushed almost 6K on them….different makers, different styles, different hair….and I still don’t have even one that I can just put on my bald head and go out the door feeling remotely normal. What am I doing so wrong? I’m getting depressed about the situation.
Excellent article! I’ve dreamed of having a nice wig but didn’t know where to get one. I have trouble getting around so prefer to order online. Incidentally, I believe the word you needed was “shudder” for involuntary shivering. Shutter has always been a window cover in case of bad storms. I wish you the best of health. Thanks for providing such helpful information.